Merry Christmas!

Family photo at Elli's school party

Elli makes a "gingerbread house" with Dad

Making Christmas cupcakes.
(We finally got to the holiday baking on Christmas Eve when
Scott had a day off. I find it's too big a job to tackle alone.)

Licking batter is the best part!
This photo makes me laugh every time I look at it.


Building our gingerbread house
(I managed this project on my own last week.)

A "Cool" Guitar

This morning at breakfast, Big Boy started playing air guitar on Little Boy's favorite little stuffed puppy. He told us that he wants a really cool guitar so he can play his really cool guitar song. He belted out, in a great rock'n'roll gravelly voice, a line from the Credence Clearwater Revival song "Fortunate Son," and told us that you have to sing really loud so people can hear you. (Where is he picking all this up?)

We told him that we'd love for him to learn guitar, and Scott offered to let him borrow Scott's guitar.

Big Boy looked at him and carefully (especially for a 5-year-old) said, "Dad, I want to play a cool guitar. Little Girl could play yours though."

Scott feigned shock and hurt while, out of eye-shot, I stifled my laughter.

We asked what would make a guitar cool, and Big Boy said he wanted his guitar to have sticker letters that read, "___'s Cool Guitar." That would make it pretty unmistakable, wouldn't it?

Christmas Program

Anna was an angel. All the little girls wanted to hold the doll playing Baby Jesus, but fortunately they managed to share during the actual performance when an angel grabbed the baby from Mary!

Sam decided back in September that he wanted to be a donkey. Then, he woke up from his nap this day out of sorts and told me he didn't like the donkey ears, they looked like rat ears, and he wanted to be a shepherd now! I showed him pictures of donkeys and their ears and told him that his choice was to be a donkey or to sit with Gramma and Grampa. He came around after a few more minutes! (I'm rather proud of my donkey ears actually -- it was a rather miraculous to find gray foam in my house in just enough quantity to make two ears, and they stood up beautifully.)

Joseph, the sheep, and the donkey are supposed to be doing hand motions with the song "Away in a Manger" but all three boys must have agreed earlier that this was not a good idea. They sang, but remained in character.

Fired

For the first time in my life, I've fired someone. Actually, a group of someones.

My daughter has been seen by a multi-disciplinary team at our local pediatric hospital for several years. This team focuses on children with digestive, sleep, and related disorders. It's a great idea, because they bring together doctors from GI (gastroenterology) and ENT (ears, nose, throat), pulmonary specialists, nutritionists, and psychologists, along with nurses and nurse practitioners. Instead of making multiple appointments to see each specialty, you make one appointment and see everyone. They look at a problem from multiple perspectives, which yields a more thorough and accurate diagnosis and treatment plan.

However, I've always been a bit frustrated by the way this team runs. It's almost impossible to get someone to answer the team phone. That wouldn't be a big deal if they returned calls. But this has been a chronic problem for me. I leave messages over and over and no-one calls back. Not good when you're talking about weight loss, inhaling water and milk when drinking, struggling with G-tube feedings, and more! They also don't have an on-call person designated to handle emergencies. All you get is voicemail.

I also hate to go to clinic visits there. The clinic always runs behind, and they haven't been good about letting us know when things are being delayed. I heard through the grapevine that they actually have trouble getting staff to report to clinic on time. This is unbelievably inconsiderate of us families, who drag siblings and fragile children in to that hospital from who-knows-how-far away and have to be there on time. One time I sat in a room at the far end of the hall for an hour and 15 minutes without seeing one person. No-one bothered to let me know why the delay or to see if I needed anything. I honestly thought they had forgotten I was there!

(Don't get me wrong -- individually, each person on this team is great. They know their stuff and they have helped us out... once I got them on the phone or actually spoke to them in person. But the team as a whole somehow does not work well together or for my family.)

This last week, I ended up having a visit to cardiology assigned to me for my son. They picked the same day and time that I was supposed to take Elli to see this team. I immediately called and left a message asking to reschedule.

It has been 4 business days and no-one has returned my call. I called today, and again got voicemail. I don't know what happens to my messages, but it feels like they disappear into a black hole!

I decided that I can't keep doing this. I know enough specialists and I know them well enough now that I think we can manage Elli's issues without this team. I need to work with people who return phone calls promptly and know how to run a clinic, especially with 4 kids and 2 with many appointments, medications, and tests to keep track of.

So I fired them. I sent an email to the business director of the clinic explaining the problems I have had with them and that I am withdrawing my child from the program. I figured that the loss of revenue is the best way to get through to them how serious this is. After all, how many people fire their doctors? I also called the team voicemail again and left a message saying that I needed to cancel the appointment next month and that I don't need to reschedule because I won't be coming back.

Receiving Grace

Grace is a foreign concept to humans. Our knee-jerk reaction to receiving a gift is to feel indebted to the giver and attempt to even things out, or pay them back in some other way.

I admit to feeling this way too. God has put me into a situation in life in which I've had no choice but to receive gifts of others' time, food, care of my children, care of my home, financial assistance, and more. It has been one of the most difficult things I've faced. By nature I'm fiercely independent. I want to do it all and I want to do it my way. So when I have to accept help, I naturally want to try to pay it back, so as not to feel quite so helpless and indebted to those who have graciously given of themselves. I am certain that this trait is something God is working very hard to purge from my character!

I read a blog written by Tim Challies, Informing the Reforming: A Reformed Christian Blog. He wrote recently about an experience with his son that brought home to him this reality about humans and receiving grace. It's a beautiful story, but it also was a very clear picture of how grace is supposed to work in God's relationship with us.

I realized that the best response to receiving grace is twofold: extend grace to others (which means forgiving, overlooking, and not seeking to exact compensation for wrongs done whether accidental or intended), and enjoy and rejoice in the grace I've been given, both directly from God and through His vessels, without thought of try to pay it back to the giver.

Don't Stop Running!

...or you'll get hopelessly behind!

Last week is a case in point. I think I only had one day with nothing on the calendar! I spent half the day Wednesday at Children's and at a meeting at Elli's school, took all 4 kids to the dentist Thursday (only 2 of them had appointments, but everyone has to go!) followed by 6 hours working at Children's that afternoon (not counting the 1 1/2 hours commuting), and then headed to Children's a third straight day for Luke's heart catheterization. We had to arrive at 6am, and didn't leave until 6:30pm.

This weekend we got an unexpected chance to catch our breaths and survey the damage. A winter storm blew in and canceled our Saturday plans. I wanted to cheer, but I was too exhausted to rejoice any other way than by crashing immediately following lunch!

After three days pretty much absent from the home, I have at least 10 loads of laundry to wash.

The carpets haven't been vacuumed in over a week, except the dining room which got a once-over Wednesday before company came over for dinner.

No Christmas presents had been wrapped except those for a family we adopted at work that had to be delivered Wednesday. In fact, the Christmas shopping was only about half done.

I'd tried to grocery-shop at Walmart on Tuesday, but I forgot my grocery list and thus forgot half the things I needed. So the food supplies in the house were rather sketchy (for example, I had everything for spaghetti except the pasta, hot dogs but no buns, etc.).

The kids hadn't been made to properly clean up their rooms, so toys were strewn from one end of the house to the other, plus down the stairs into the basement.

Many of my things had been relocated as well: I found pieces of my Nativity Scene crammed into a Diego "Rescue Pack."

The EOBs (explanation of benefits -- document showing how much medical insurance was billed, will pay, and leaves for us to pay) and hospital statements were out of control again. (Have I mentioned how much I hate paper? It is my nemesis. I never know what to keep, what to shred, and what to recycle and Get Out Of My House!)

I still needed to work 1 1/2 hours to get my 10 per week in... but I ran out of time and energy and didn't make it.

I also needed to get a bunch of things ready for our Christmas program tonight at church (one donkey costume, 4 angel costumes, and a Mary costume), Elli's holiday party at school on Friday (craft supplies for 25 kids plus an unknown number of siblings), and finish the Christmas cards. I'm about ready to bail on the annual Christmas letter for the first time in 9 years. I lost my address list from last year, so I've got a significant stack of recipients for whom I lack a complete address.

I'm trying really hard not to be paralyzed by my fatigue and the overwhelmingness of it all. That's what usually happens. The job looks too big (especially those piles of paper), so I just leave it and go do something more accomplishable. Or more pleasant. I have to find the right balance between getting sleep (which means accomplishing Absolutely Nothing on the list but hopefully improving my attitude, mood, and efficiency later) and working on stuff (which means choosing one thing and therefor also choosing to not do everything else) til I'm staggering around and biting everyone's heads off I'm so tired.

This morning I was able to make a dent in it. I know it's Sunday, but I had to stay home with a sick child and decided that I needed to bless my family with clean clothes. So I sorted my ten loads of laundry, started into them (I only have 2 loads done, but it's better than nothing), and worked on the costumes for tonight. I am pretty sure I will be home more this week, so I'm praying for good health and energy to get it all done.

P.S. The news from Luke's heart cath was good. Very good, in fact. His heart surgery 6 weeks ago did what they hoped, and they finally got all the pictures they needed. His situation is much more simple than they feared, so he should only need one more surgery... and it will be fairly soon. I'm so thankful that he will not remember any of this. And I'm very thankful that God chose to bless him with a much easier problem to solve than his older sister's.

Remembering the Christ of Christmas

Every year, it gets tougher to keep the kids thinking at least a little about the advent of Christ. The kids are old enough now to be totally fixated on presents. So this year, we started a new tradition (ideas borrowed from my friend Dea and from my parents). We have two Christmas trees, one in the living room with our Nativity set, and one in the family room, near the fireplace and stockings.


The one in the living room we call our Baby Jesus tree. Sam willingly surrendered his little "Charlie Brown Christmas tree" from last year for this purpose. It's just a little 18-inch artificial tree, but it's just right for this first year. We have hung all the ornaments we have that relate to Christ's birth on it, which isn't many... so far.


I'm keeping my eye out for good ornaments for it, and hope to get a slightly larger tree (maybe 3 or 4 feet tall) -- if the finances allow-- after Christmas when they are all marked down.

Ornaments about the first Christmas are tough to find, so I'm going to borrow my parents' idea of buying solid color balls and writing with permanent marker the names given to Jesus and what He gave us that first Christmas. (e.g. salvation, Prince of Peace, Emmanuel). Then every year, when we hang them up, we will read them and talk about them. (We haven't done this yet -- I can't decide if I want to write on the balls I already have, which are a bit large for a little tree, or buy some new littler ones for this special tree.)


Our large tree in the family room features our special family ornaments -- mementos from trips, the kids' special ornaments (baby's 1st Christmas, etc), photo ornaments (one of my favorite kinds), and the ones we bought the first year we were married. It is full of memories of our family and is very special.


On the same table as the Baby Jesus tree, we set up the Nativity scene. It's a ceramic one we were given as a wedding gift. The kids love playing with it, so I'm looking for a tougher one that can withstand their loving attention. (I'd like one with Jesus separate from the manger so we can put him in on Christmas morning.) I found a very simple one at a gift shop near us, but it was a bit more than I was prepared to spend without spousal approval!

Last year we bought an Advent book with pieces that pop out each day of December. We read the story of Jesus' birth and add a figure to the scene every night at bedtime. By the end of December last year, Sam had the whole story memorized! This year, I've put some of Luke 2 on Elli's Dynavox so she can tell parts of the story too. She really likes this, and it pleases me that she goes to public school and shares the Bible with her classmates and teachers. (They can't stop her from saying what she wants to say, after all!)

So how are you remembering Jesus' birth with your family?

Watch the index finger

I've had these pictures for almost a year now, but they got lost in the flurry of pregnancy/new baby/weird medical issues activity of this year. This week I've been organizing all my digital photography to get it ready for albums and found these treasures.

As I was cracking up at the facial expressions, a little voice in my ear whispered "Watch Anna's index finger!"

Any guesses as to the theme here?

I see a bike helmet, ball cap, sock puppets, Thomas blanket,
puppy, tea set, and matching little-kid chairs.

"Watch this silly face, Daddy!"

Oh. My.
This is how the entire family gets sick, folks.

Facing the Giants: Movie Review

A friend recently loaned us the movie Facing the Giants, which we watched last weekend. We both expected a family-friendly Hollywood-made film about football.

What we found was a Christian movie produced by a church. If I had know this at the beginning, I doubt I would have watched it at all. I've seen one too many saccharine-sweet, poorly acted, poorly produced Christian movies and typically choose not to view them.

That being said, this movie was pleasantly surprising. While it was not up to Hollywood production or acting standards, it was much better than I expected. It told the story well, didn't sugar-coat the main characters' lives, and challenged viewers to look up from their life's circumstances to find the bigger picture.

I took issue with two elements of the movie. First, at one point, a friend approaches the main character, who is overwhelmed and deeply discouraged about the sudden flood of insurmountable obstacles in his life. In a conversation about God's promises, the main character explains that he has been bringing his problems to God. The friend tells this story:
"Two farmers facing drought prayed to God for rain. One prayed and then went about his day. The other prayed and then went out and prepared his fields for rain. Which one believed God would answer?"

The obvious answer is the one who prepared his fields for rain.

My problem with this is that the story assumes that God always works by giving us exactly what we ask for. Maybe what those farmers needed was not rain to water their fields but a push out of their comfort zone to a new area desperately in need of godly farmers! Maybe they needed to leave farming altogether and do something else. God is God and He knows what He is doing, whether we understand it or not. And just like a parent whose child asks for a snack when the parent is preparing their favorite meal for dinner, God knows when "no" is the best answer to a given request.

My other issue with the movie was the ending. I knew how it was going to end as soon as the story revealed all the major challenges for its characters. They wrapped it all up in a nice neat package and put a bow on top. That isn't real life for anyone, and it certainly isn't real life for God's people either... not in this life.

The Bible doesn't promise an easy life or a happy ending for us here on earth. It promises that we will suffer in this life. It promises that God will wipe away every tear in the next life if we are faithful to Him and glorify Him despite and through everything He allows us to experience here.

I would have liked to see the movie leave the character continuing to praise God and trust Him even though many of his problems remained unresolved. To me, seeing faithful Christians enduring sorrow, pain, and persecution with unshakable confidence and joy in their God is so much more encouraging and inspiring. It challenges me to rise above my own difficult circumstances, yank my gaze from my life to my God, and continue to praise Him no matter how little sleep I've gotten, how sick the kids are, how drastically my plans are changed by unexpected news, or what just broke.

For some thought-provoking reading on movies, Christians, and Christian movies, consider the ongoing series "Godless Hollywood?" by Tom Neven on Boundless Line. (Part 2 is here, and Part 3 is here.)

First Snow of the Season

Even all bundled up, it was just a bit too cold and breezy for Luke.

This was a quick photo snapped from the front porch
before I took him back inside.

This is the kids' first snowman ever!
They can hardly wait for more snow to build another one.

Anna kept taking off her mittens
(or "glubs" as they both called them)
and then complaining how cold her hands were.
Silly girl!

Sam enjoyed brushing snow off everything.
This was his incredulous face when I told him
I wanted the snow on everything!

After the kids got too cold to play anymore, we went inside and made hot chocolate. (I should have made the hot chocolate first, then they could have run off the sugar high outside!)

I don't have pictures of Elli because she didn't even get a snow delay that day. :(

A Biblical Model of Parenting

I wrote a little bit about my approach to raising kids yesterday. I was asked a question that I thought I'd respond to today.

When we were expecting our first child, we attended a parenting conference that completely transformed the way we approached raising our kids. Most of what I'm sharing today comes from the speakers of that conference and the book they wrote on biblical childrearing.

They spent quite a bit of time discussing what the Bible says about human nature, children, parenting, etc. I pulled 6 key points out of this:

1. Your children are the product of two things: shaping influence (their physical makeup and their life experience) and Godward orientation (whether they love or reject God determines how they interact with their experiences). Parenting involves (1) providing the best shaping influences you can and (2) the careful shepherding of your children's responses to those influences.


2. The heart determines behavior.

   Mark 7:21 "...from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly."

   Luke 6:45 "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks."

   We must learn to see our kids' behavior as more than just undesirable actions or annoyances. We have to work backward from behavior to the heart. Don't focus only on behavior. By talking with our children about what they did, we work to expose their heart struggles - why they did it. Help your children see that they were made for a relationship with God. The thirst of the heart can be satisfied in truly knowing God. (And something else I've learned? When I respond incorrectly to their poor behavior, I have my own heart issues to confront and probably sins to confess to them too!)
   
   
3. You have authority because God has made you His agent. This means you are on His errand, not yours. Your task is to help your children know God and the true nature of reality. Ephesians 6:4 commands you to bring your children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. This is a command to provide the training and instruction of the Lord; to function on God's behalf. You and your child are both under God's authority. You have different roles but the same Master. And your correction should orbit around God as the one offended, not you. This will keep your focus on restoration, moving a child who has disobeyed God back to the path of obedience.
   


4. Since the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, you must set such a worldview before your children. You must help them learn that only in Him will they find themselves.


5. If you have these Biblical goals, you can only accomplish them through biblical methods. You must reject the substitute methods that our culture presents.


6. God has given two methods for childrearing. They are (1) communication and (2) the rod. These methods must be woven together in your practice. Your children need to be known and understood. Thus, rich communication is necessary. They also need authority and firmness. Thus, the rod is necessary. The rod functions to underscore the importance of the things you talk with them about.*

In the stage of development from infancy through about age 5, the primary characteristic is change. They grow more than at any other stage, develop a vast array of new skills, and present us with a steady stream of new challenges. In all of this, it's easy for us parents to lose focus. We need a single over-arching focus, "narrow enough to give firm direction in concrete situations and broad enough to encompass the changing world of the young child."*

The most important lesson for a child to learn in this period is that he is an individual under authority. He has been made by God and has a responsibility to obey God in all things. The key passage of Scripture for this period is

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother,' which is the first commandment with a promise: 'that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.'" Ephesians 6:1-3

Obedience is a response to God. Children will not submit to you or any other earthly authority unless they understand that they are made for God. He has the right to rule them. If they don't see this, they won't see living to glorify God. They will be self-absorbed and worship only themselves. Submitting to earthly authorities is part of being under God's authority because He has designated those earthly authorities over us.

Acquaint your children with authority and submission when they are infants. This training starts the day you bring them home from the hospital. These lessons, firmly established in the early years, will yield fruit throughout childhood. Establish these principles and you will eliminate the need to have repeated contests over authority.

We model authority and submission, not by submitting to our children (God made us their authorities, not vice versa), but by submitting to our earthly authorities. Wives, model for your children the type of attitude and behavior you want from them by submitting to and honoring your husbands, supervisors if you work outside the home, and other authorities in your life. Husbands, model this attitude in the way you submit to... and talk about... your boss, the government and its agents (e.g. police, internal revenue service, president), etc.

That's a tremendously high calling, isn't it? I have so far to go. I've been rereading this book lately and been convicted in so many areas. My example to my kids has been lacking, and my goals with them have fallen short. But the good news is that with God and for His own, it is never too late and all things are possible.

*All quotes taken from Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. Conference material presented by Paul and Tedd Tripp in 2000. I highly recommend this book. It is one I read every year, not just to remind me of how I should be approaching my children, but also to remind me how I should approach my own sinful heart. It is immensely practical for self-correction as well as for bringing up children.

Thanksgiving Resolutions

This year, I decided that making a New Year's resolution to get in better shape was too little too late. So I made Thanksgiving resolutions to get back to the gym and not gain any weight through the holiday season.

Then Luke started waking me up 2-3 times a night. Needless to say, I didn't get to the gym those days!

Last week, my pediatrician told me that Luke is fully recovered from surgery and needs to learn to sleep through the night again. Most babies that end up in the hospital regress in the sleep department (hospitals don't cater to those who wish to have no interruptions in the night), and then parents have a very difficult time distinguishing between genuine needs and manipulation when they all get back home. At first, the little guy needed pain meds and food because he was healing. But at some point, those needs fade away, leaving the baby in an unhealthy sleep pattern.

So the doctor said to start working with him to go longer between feedings at night. I realized that if he would sleep longer, not only would his daytime routine settle back down, but I would get enough rest to get up early and go to the gym.

I also passionately believe that a parent's primary task is to teach their children that life does not revolve around the child. Each of us must learn this in order to function, let alone succeed, in the world. I do my children a huge disservice if I do not prepare them for this reality. But this requires daily and doggedly-determined work by us parents. People are born self-centered and self-focused. If you look for it, you see this even in little babies (this is why they cry when you don't do what they want you to!). If I want my children to grow up into responsible, considerate, generous, loving adults who work well with others, I must teach them this. It doesn't come naturally. And learning to wait without complaining, help others instead of indulge yourself, consider the needs of everyone when making choices -- all are crucial skills that take years and years to develop and mature. The longer you as a parent wait to start, the longer your kids have to develop selfish habits and the harder it is to break those bad-but-firmly-ingrained patterns.

It may seem trivial, but you start teaching an others-focus in infancy when you teach your baby good habits and refuse to cater to their every whim (such as eating at 2am or being held every moment). Crying never hurt anyone -- in fact, it's healthy for a child to experience not getting their way. Of course they'll be upset about it. But the next time, it won't be so unexpected. And when they mature enough to start working on the concept of "Do all things without grumbling or complaining" (Philippians 2:14), they will already know that life doesn't always go their way and will be ready to for this next step.

Whew. I got off on a major tangent! I have such a hard time watching parents passively watch their children misbehave and do nothing about it. We have neighbors who, when their 4-year-old daughter runs around the neighborhood without a shirt on, just laugh and say she just won't put clothes on. Excuse me, but isn't it your job to teach her these things, and to make her do it even if she doesn't want to???? That's what it means to be a parent! When are you planning to teach her about modesty? And if you don't establish authority now, do you honestly think she'll listen to you later when the issues are much more important?

Ok, Ok. Back to the topic at hand.

I made a third resolution: Get Luke sleeping through the night again.

Friday night, I girded up my loins to endure an angry baby. I was determined to wait until 4am to feed him. That was the latest he'd gone on his own that week, so I knew he could do it.

At 2am, he let loose. He was ticked off and no pacifier was going to satisfy him -- trust me, I tried! I patted his bottom, held the pacifier in his mouth, spoke soothingly to him... everything but pick him up. I nearly drifted off standing up, so I finally crawled back into bed, seeing that he didn't care what I did if it didn't involve food.

After about half an hour of this 4-month-old version of a temper-trantrum, I moved him to the pack'n'play at the far end of the house. The two boys share a room and I couldn't put Sam through any more of it.

Of course, being picked up and then put back down without a feeding in between was The Last Straw. But he was tired, and after a short flash of temper and about 15 more minutes of gradually quieter grumbling, he settled down and drifted off to sleep.

He woke up at 3:45am, so I staggered out, fed him just a few minutes early, and put him back to sleep in the boys' room.

Saturday night, I wasn't sure what to expect. Imagine the glorious bliss when I woke up to his cries at 6am! The boy catches on fast, praise God! He has slept til at least 4am every night since, everyone is sleeping better without his crying every 2 hours at night, and I actually made it to the gym yesterday.

Third resolution - check

Now I just have to re-acclimate my body to exercise. I walked the track rather than the treadmill yesterday, and even jogged for about 3/4 of a mile. Miraculously, I was actually able to get out of bed this morning. Every muscle from my waist down aches, right down to my toes, but it's a good ache. And after just one workout, I feel a lot better about everything -- my health, my eating (it's weird, but as soon as I start exercising, junk food loses its appeal!), and my ability to take care of the kids... especially Elli. Scott and I realized awhile ago that we have no choice: we MUST stay in shape if we are going to avoid injuring ourselves lifting and transferring Elli.

My dream is to be fit enough to take the kids out for a run on nice days. We bought a jogging stroller for Elli and bikes for Sam and Anna for Christmas (shhhh.... don't tell!). I'll have to have some endurance to keep up with the kids on bikes! I'm really looking forward to getting outside with them, and I think Elli will absolutely LOVE getting out of her wheelchair and racing with her siblings.

First and second resolutions: in process

Questions, questions, questions

I have found myself asking the strangest questions of myself lately. Questions I couldn't even have conceived of before becoming a mother.

Have you ever asked yourself:

What is the fascination with hand-washing? I am convinced that my daughter goes potty 15 times a day just to have an excuse to wash her hands.

Why do kids always have to go potty during mealtimes? Is there something about eating that triggers bladder spasms or do they get bored and know this is a sure-fire way to get down from the table for a few minutes?

Why do kids ask questions they already know the answer to (like "What are you doing? when you do something you do every day or "What is that?" when you're holding something they've seen since infancy... like a towel)?

Why is it that, no matter how far ahead of time I start, it always takes longer than the time I allowed myself to get everyone out the door? This morning I started 20 minutes before I had to leave, and I was still frantically racing around at the last minute, frustrated with the kids who were moving slower than their normal slow pace and resisting going into the cold garage to get shoes and coats and not wanting to let the door close behind them while they were in there and then grabbing light jackets when the windchill today is in the teens...

Why can't I accept the reality that my Christmas tree and nativity scenes are dynamic pieces, changing moment-by-moment at the hands of my very excited children? (I find myself getting really annoyed when I find my carefully-placed decorations moved. I need to just get over it, but I want to be the decorator in my house and I keep being usurped!)

Why won't kids eat the crust of bread? I never left the crusts of my sandwiches like this! (Or did I, mom?) There's good eating left on that plate (and I don't mean the grapes either)!

(Once upon a time, I sold Pampered Chef, and I got a "cut'n'seal" as part of my starter kit. It's a tool that makes a round pocket out of a sandwich. They told me that parents and kids would love it because it cut all the crusts off and fits neatly in small hands.

I thought it was a waste of perfectly good bread.

Now I understand.)

Living Without Fear

My husband subscribes to the sermon podcast for Capitol Hill Baptist Church (where Pastor Mark Dever, who wrote 9 Marks of a Healthy Church, serves as preaching elder). This fall, they posted the audio recordings from their women’s conference "Titus Two Talks" held at Capitol Hill and hosted by Nöel Piper, wife of author and pastor John Piper. This year's topic was "Living without Fear." I can't think of a better topic for women -- don't all our worries rise out of fear of something?

Here is a link to the audio. You can listen online, download the MP3 files and listen offline, or subscribe to the podcast, using the links on that page. (To subscribe, go into iTunes, select Advanced > Subscribe to Podcast, and paste this link into the blank field: http://www.chbcaudio.org/?feed=rss2. The episodes will then automatically appear in your iTunes podcast library.)

If you don’t have iTunes, it is free and can be downloaded from http://www.apple.com/itunes

Lilttle Boy's First Bites

My 7-year-old 1-year-old

We have entered a bold new world in our family. Elli has progressed in her development (a good thing). Instead of being at the physical level of a 3-6 month-old, she is now more like a 1-year-old... but in a 7-year-old's body (a very bad thing).

In this new stage, Elli grabs everything that comes within reach, and we vastly underestimate the scope of her reach. I remember this now. But with a 1-year-old, you aren't dealing with the height and strength that Elli has. Up til recently, it was more of a nuisance. She gets her hands on food bowls at the table, pulls the tablecloth, grabs at toys left on the floor, and insists on practicing rolling even though she still can only roll one way and gets mad when she gets stuck.

Last week we decided that we have to strap her arms to her wheelchair while we tube-feed her so she won't pull the tube right out of her body. She refuses to obey us when we tell her not to even touch the tubing. So until she can learn some self-control (who knows how long that will be), we have to protect her by immobilizing her arms.

But even pulling her feeding tube out is relatively minor. This weekend she showed us just how much trouble she is now capable of getting into. Thursday night we had to rearrange sleeping quarters and put Elli on an air mattress on the floor. We didn't realize how much she wiggles and how far she can get, even with these leg splints she wears at night. Elli managed to tip over a night table, pull the lamp on it to her, and get her hand stuck inside it. It was a touch lamp, so she was able to turn it on and couldn't turn it off because her hand was stuck. She burned to blisters the entire inside of her pinky on the hot bulb.

What none of us can understand is why she never cried. Not when she burned it. And not after, which hurts worse and for longer than the actual burn does. We didn't realize the finger was burned until the next morning! (These are the things that haunt a mother.)

The next day, she wiggled across another floor to grab the power cord to a decorative lamp. She pulled the lamp down, breaking part of it, and somehow wrapped the cord around her neck.

We are praising God that we caught both incidents before tragedy struck. And we are praying very hard for wisdom and discernment to foresee and avert any other major problems until she gets through this stage. It's a somewhat frightening time for us, and will be very draining as we can no longer leave her unattended safely. I'm praying that she doesn't take longer than a normal 1-year-old to learn all these cause-and-effect and obedience lessons.

Turkey Day

My sister-in-law made these turkey placecards for our big Thanksgiving feast this year. My mother-in-law got the idea from Martha Stewart. They turned out really cute.

Little Girl (no, she didn't get a turkey eye...
but she sure enjoyed her desserts!)

Elli ate more during this holiday week
than she normally eats in 2 weeks at home!

Little Boy loved being at the table with all of us.
He's a very social kid.

Big Boy decided Mamaw's chicken'n'noodles
was the best food of the whole day.

Allison thoroughly enjoyed having her cousins over to play.

We had a great visit with Scott's side of the family this weekend. Scott and I even got out by ourselves for an evening concert. I can't say that I'm more rested because Luke is eating like a horse. But it was great to have more adults than kids for 4 1/2 days! I managed to squeeze in one nap, and part of another (don't ask).

I also worked on some Christmas stockings. I made Elli and Big Boy each a stocking a few years ago, but I'm two behind now. The kids are old enough to notice, plus I only have one backup stocking (a pink "baby's first Christmas" stocking -- Big Boy won't let me get away with using that one for Little Boy!). No, I'm not knitting them. They are sewn stockings that look like jester's slippers. Photos coming when I finish them!

Movie Review: "Martian Child"

I belong to a group for parents of special needs children in our school district. Today another member emailed us a movie review for the newly released "Martian Child." I intend to go see this movie at my first opportunity -- which truthfully may not happen til it comes out on video! But I wanted to share this with you as it speaks to one of the toughest questions I get asked as the mom of a special little girl. If you get to see this movie before I do, let me know what you thought!

By Dan H. Kent
(You can find the original posting of this movie review here.)

There are comments that people make to parents of special needs children like, "I don't know how you do it," or, "We feel for you." These are well-meaning, caring remarks. And they are appreciated. With the limitations of language, how else would someone express their compassion? Alongside a statement like this, there sometimes seems to be an unspoken, yet innocent, question. It is: "How can you love that child?"

I don't mean to be cruel to say this, or to imply that people are heartless or lack feeling. The opposite is true. But as the father of an autistic child, I believe that sometimes, just sometimes, there is a lack of experience that is difficult to overcome. A gulf exists that can make it difficult for the parent of a "normal" child or for anyone else, to understand the love of a special-needs child. And given all of the effort and frustration that comes with the raising of a special-needs child, the special-needs parent might, if the question were actually put to him or her, find the question difficult to answer, except to say, "How can I not?"

In the movie, Martian Child, David (John Cusack), a young widower still mourning the loss of his wife, considers adopting Dennis (Bobby Coleman), a child who lacks social skills and apparently believes he is from Mars. When David first encounters Dennis, the child is in a large cardboard box, observing the playground through a hole in its side. This is an apt, if obvious, metaphor, as children with emotional needs are truly separate and apart, don't know how to interact (though they often want to), and observe their peers as though from a distance. Dennis is a damaged child, suffering from the knowledge that he was abandoned by his true parents.

Near the beginning of the movie, David's sister Liz (Joan Cusack) expresses her concern that the child will be too much for him to handle and will ruin his life. Beyond Liz's concern is her utter incomprehension as to why he would even want to try. As the movie progresses and David is dealing with Dennis's problems during the trial period of the adoption, she even suggests that he should return the child to the agency. Although she is a parent herself, she does not understand David's love.

David persists, however, and with the help of his close friend Harlee (Amanda Peet), a true father - son relationship develops, and Dennis benefits from his new father. True to life, Dennis is not portrayed as being "completely cured", but he improves somewhat, and the viewer knows that he will to continue grow.

This movie answers the unspoken question. It does so, not with words, but scene by scene, through the interactions of the emerging relationship. The viewer comes to understand the emotional relationship of the two.

John Cusack is completely authentic in his role. He is tormented, concerned, caring, anguished, and enriched. In short, his is an authentic portrayal of the father of a special-needs child. Bobby Coleman aptly plays the role of Dennis, and is convincingly emotionally disturbed. The twist, his belief that he is from Mars, is adequately explained. Despite the insertion of a few inexplicable scenes, such as the child's ability to "taste color", and a dramatic, but excusable, Hollywood conclusion, the screenplay by Seth E. Bass and Jonathan Tolins, and the movie, directed by Menno Meyjas, is a worthy journey of emotion for those willing to experience it.

(My sincerest thanks to Dan Kent for writing this review.)

Thanksgiving Funnies

Little Girl came up to Scott yesterday with her hand like the above photo. She said, "Look Dad! This is Oobi as a police officer!"

(The "hat" is a refrigerator magnet.)

Big Boy couldn't let her have all the attention. He immediately spotted the other magnet beyond his reach on the fridge, asked Scott for the "other hat," and joined in the fun.

----

Last night the kids were discussing Thanksgiving food with great relish. Suddenly Little Girl declared, "I'm going to eat the turkey eye!"

Big Boy exclaimed, "I'm going to eat the turkey leg. It's bigger than Little Boy's leg!"

----

Happy Thanksgiving!

Jazz, Suburban Feline Predator

I've always been a cat-lover. Knowing this, my husband gave me a cat for my birthday the first year we got married. She was a stray taken in by a sympathetic coworker of his who simply could not provide her a permanent home.

We quickly learned that this cat was not your typical shy, retiring wall-flower, content to sleep in sunbeams, purr on your lap, and watch the world from the window.

No. "Jazz," had a taste for the street life. She lusted for freedom. Action. Fresh air. But most of all? Blood.

We did our best to convert her to the joys of the indoor life. We bought toys and catnip. We played games with yarn and laser pointers. Our family even came with a ready-made playmate -- a 75-pound dalmatian. For two and a half years we attempted to contain her inside our various apartments, and pursued her doggedly when she managed to escape. Which she did. Often.

She utterly refused to be tamed. Instead, she began a tenacious campaign to win her way outside. First, she stalked the exits of our homes, taking advantage of every unguarded moment.

Second, she created her own indoor fun. She chased the aforesaid 75-pound dalmatian around the house, attacking his spots as if they were bugs. She scrambled to the top of our Christmas tree, tossed the tree-topper to the floor, and then leaped to the floor, trailing Christmas lights and half the ornaments. She scaled window screens like Spiderman (looking for a way out?). She broke into our bedroom at night and attacked our feet while we slept. Repeatedly. Even when we made sure our door was completely closed. (I still have no idea how she did it.)

She tried to dig a hole to China under our bedroom door. That's when we made the agonizing decision to remove her front claws. I hated to do it, but we weren't financially prepared to support her destructive tendencies in our rented apartment. Had we let her keep shredding the carpet, we would have been forced to shell out at least $250 when we vacated that place!

Of course, once we got her front paws de-clawed, we believed we had no choice but to keep her indoors. However, she became increasingly defiant, seeming to sense our renewed determination.

Finally, after leaving a sleeping but medically-fragile baby in her crib in a vain attempt to "rescue" our prodigal cat in the wee hours of the morning (we needed two of us to "herd" her back to the apartment), we decided that we were going to have to let go. It's rather like being parent to a rebellious teenager. At a certain point, you have to stop protecting them so they will suffer the consequences of their poor choices and hopefully gain some sense.

But not Jazz. She has street smarts, apparently -- not sense. Ever since that night, she has spent the majority of her nights wandering the streets doing who-knows-what. Every morning she paws at the door like a dog, begging for re-entry, her breakfast (dinner?), and a bed. We've moved twice since then, but she has never once failed to return home.

Having won that battle, she apparently has decided that we deserve special thank offerings periodically.

So she has taken up a new hobby. Hunting. Without front claws. It's truly amazing because she is quite successful. And for some crazy reason, she chooses to present her kill to us at the worst possible moments.

For example, one fall morning shortly after Elli returned home from a major surgery, I was expecting a friend from church to drop by. This friend hosted a weekly prayer meeting in her home and her home was always spotlessly clean and tidy. I think she's one of those people for whom this comes naturally. (I am not one of those people. I like a clean and neat house, but I have to work very hard at it, I have yet to find an easy-to-maintain system, and I'd much rather write or run errands or garden or do anything else. But I digress.)

It was a nice day, so I had the sliding door to the back yard open slightly. I suspect that the dog, who had long ago decided if you can't beat 'em join 'em, was somehow convinced to bump the door open for Jazz with his snout.

I heard a strange flurry of activity in the kitchen as I was racing around trying to make the house presentable. It was one of those sounds that, despite it's unknown origin, inexplicably fills your heart with dread. Just as I peered around the corner...

*knock knock knock*

...Horror! There flapped a bird, under the kitchen table, shedding clouds of feathers, struggling to elude Jazz, who batted at the bird periodically, when she got too bored.

Panic gripped me as I stood there, midway between the front door, where my friend stood waiting, and the disaster in my kitchen. "What do I do? What do I do first?"

Despite the awfulness of being caught in that moment, I surprised myself by choosing not to leave my friend standing on the front porch. I let her in, begged her to please disregard the half-dead bird flapping about in my kitchen, grabbed a huge pile of newspapers, scooped up the unfortunate bird with newspaper-scoops, and carried it at arm's length to the farthest reaches of the yard. Jazz was banished outside for the next 24 hours. Not that she cared.

That was a few years ago. Since then she has chased a fully-alive bird into our new house, where I chased it around, praying that it wouldn't defecate, finally caught it between the mini-blinds and a window, and managed to open the window -- without hurting it or getting pecked myself -- to let it out. She has offered up countless moles and voles, chased a mouse up Scott's pant leg, and even killed a (small) rabbit. But fortunately all these she killed and bestowed on us, the great gods of food and warmth, in private.

Then, just a few weeks ago, I was in need of much help again -- we had a storm of doctor's appointments in preparation for Luke's heart surgery. Another friend had agreed to watch some of the kids for me that day while I took Luke to the hospital.

When I answered the door, I noticed an odd expression on her face and Jazz prowling around the bushes like a lion in Africa. I thought my friend was unsure if the cat stalking her feet was ours. But then she glanced down and to her left, casually remarking that my cat had brought me a gift.

In horror, I looked down too and saw the still-warm chipmunk laying there, very much dead. Jazz had managed to kill a chipmunk. A chipmunk! With no front claws!

This time, I only needed two magazines to safely scoop up the unfortunate animal and drop it into our dumpster.

There's no questioning it -- Jazz is a great predator. And clearly has a keen sense of timing. If only I appreciated her skill more.

The Truth about S-CHIP

I have been watching Washington with interest in recent weeks, as the Senate passed and then President Bush vetoed a bill to both renew the S-CHIP (State Children's Health Insurance Program) and add $35 billion in new funding to the program. Work continues on this bill as the Congress attempts to find a bill that both they and the White House can agree on.

At the time of the veto, President Bush's press secretary, Dana Perino, said "Congress's bill goes far beyond Schip's mandate by covering some higher-income households and adults.''

A recent Yahoo! news article explained,

"Schip, which now covers about 6 million children, was created to help families with incomes too high for Medicaid, the U.S. insurance program for the poor, and too low to afford private coverage. Over the years, some states have boosted income eligibility, reaching a high of $72,000 for a family of four in New Jersey, the most generous state.

The measure offered today would permit states to continue enrolling kids from families with incomes up to $62,000 for a family of four, or 300 percent of the U.S. poverty level."

What I haven't heard is someone asking and answering the obvious question. Why would a family with an income of $72,000 and only 2 kids need to apply for supplemental insurance? It is intellectually dishonest to attempt to evaluate this legislation without answering this question.

As a "professional" (what better way to express my 7 1/2 years - and counting - use of pediatric health care) consumer of health care and user of both private and state resources to pay for it, I can give you three answers to this question, right off the top of my head.

First, private medical insurance doesn't cover nearly what it used to. Copays are higher, co-insurance is higher, maximum out-of-pocket amounts are higher or non-existent, and lifetime maximums are more and more common. What this means is that even when you have private insurance, you still have to pay a significant amount out of your own pocket. If you reach your lifetime maximum, which is very easy with a life-threatening illness such as cancer or a traumatic injury, you're out of luck. All expenses from that point on are your own responsibility.

A family can reach their lifetime maximum (the most an insurance company will pay out for a given individual in their lifetime) in an extremely short time in the case of illnesses like cancer or conditions requiring multiple surgeries. And you can bet that a person who reached their lifetime max would NOT be able to find any private insurance company willing to insure them for any amount of money. And you can also guarantee that their medical bills will continue -- conditions don't magically resolve when the insurance runs out!

Regardless of whether you meet your annual out-of-pocket max (the most you should have to pay of your own money for copays and coinsurance in a calendar year), you still have to pay your prescription copays. Our prescriptions copays last year totaled $1,000. This year will be higher as Elli was much sicker and Luke was born with his own medical issues. And we have a really good insurance plan!

Second, private medical insurance does not cover "educational" expenses and frequently denies claims for medical equipment considered "preventative" -- needed to prevent complications down the road. For example, many types of speech therapy are considered educational rather than medical and are not covered. We've had to appeal for standers and walkers to get our daughter bearing weight while standing. She needs to do this to increase her bone density and decrease osteoporosis, injuries, and the need for surgery when she's older. Even when private insurance does cover these items, the copays are significant.

Third, medically-complicated patients bring with them many hidden costs that are not covered by medical insurance. Some of these hidden costs include modifications to the patient's home (e.g. wider hallways, ramps, accessible bathrooms), diapers and wipes (imagine instead of getting rid of your diaper bill, it goes up as diaper size increases and the number in a package decreases), vehicle adaptations, childcare/respite care (because you can't find just anyone to watch a medically-complex patient and you have to take breaks), home care nursing or personal aides (a single adult may be physically unable to safely transfer larger children and adults from bed to wheelchair to exam table to stander), and special diet needs (e.g. formulas, thickeners, feeding equipment).

So, even if you are that family in New Jersey with two children and an income of $72,000 a year, you could very easily find yourself in financial ruin if someone in the family receives a catastrophic injury or diagnosis. I know many families personally who have just resolved themselves to the reality that they will never pay off their medical bills. They are forever in debt to the hospital with medical bills totaling over $1 million dollars and no end in sight.

We have been very fortunate. One of us is employed by a large, self-insured company that has, for the most part, covered the bulk of the children's medical bills. Our out-of-pocket costs have increased significantly in the last 7 years, but as long as we stay within our network, we have been able to manage it with some careful planning. (We had a scare earlier this year when our insurance and our local children's hospital didn't come to a financial agreement until the last day of their contract. If the hospital had suddenly become an out-of-network hospital, our out-of-pocket costs would have quadrupled.)

We've had to look to state programs, funding in part by the Schip, for help with many other expenses, including those listed above. Qualifying for that assistance is rigorous, requiring documentation of diagnoses, income, resources, etc. And the process for gaining approval for and payment of an item through these programs is frustratingly long and full of red tape. So the states are not just handing out money indiscriminately!

The Schip program is one of the truly legitimate uses of our tax dollars, I believe. It's one way that we can help take care of those struggling with life-shattering events and illnesses. The money goes to states to create programs that fit their populations. Our state desperately needs additional funding for its programs, and I'm sure we're not alone.

It would be nice to see our government spend some money to take care of its bread-and-butter citizens -- the ones who work hard, pay their taxes, try their best to raise responsible children, but are struggling with tragic circumstances-- for a change.

Eat Your Heart Out, Eddie Bauer!

This photo just looks like a catalog cover to me! Little Boy is wearing a handsome handknit sweater from my friend Brooke. The colors are just perfect, and the sweater has enough growing room to last all winter! He's posing on a handknit blanket made for him by Elli's home health aide, Julie.

By the way, isn't it amazing that he can have such a beautiful smile just 10 days after open-heart surgery? He's been giggling at us too. It's very healing to us to see him doing so well so quickly.

New Look Coming Soon!

In the next day or so, you'll get to see my new blog makeover. I'm really excited about it. After almost three years (hard to believe it's been that long) of tinkering myself, I finally decided to get the help of someone who knows how to work with Blogger.

If you like what you see, drop Ro at The Blog Cafe a line -- they have over 100 premade blog designs ready to be installed, plus a super-reasonable custom blog design service as well.

Out of the mouths of 5-year-olds

Last night Scott put the kids to bed. They started talking about the holidays coming up and asked which one was next. He explained that we celebrate Thanksgiving next, and then a month later we'll celebrate Christmas. He asked if they remembered the Advent book we read last year. Big Boy got very excited about this -- it has pieces that pop out and stand up to create a 3-D nativity scene.

He said, "I know a song about that." But then he paused and cleared his throat very deliberately.

Scott gave him a quizzical look.

Big Boy, with a shy smirk, explained "That's what singers do before they sing."

Then he sang "Away in a Manger."

----

On the way home from running errands today, we drove past McDonalds (actually, we passed two of them, but the kids must have missed the first one by some miracle of the cosmos).

From the back seat I heard Big Boy comment, "I'm banished for chicken and fries. I'm really hungry."

----

Big Boy had the infamous 5-year well-check today. I decided to tell him this morning, before we left, that he would get shots. He was alarmed, but I explained to him that these shots will keep him from getting really sick. The kind of sick that would put him in the hospital where they would have to poke him with needles lots of times. (Having just arrived home with an baby whose limbs look like pincushions, I can speak with some authority on the subject. If you are anti-vaccine, that's fine. But you're barking up the wrong tree if you want to argue this with me. My kids deal with enough already for me to knowingly let them go unprotected against preventable illnesses.)

Big Boy agreed that one shot sounded better than that. He has seen enough of what Elli and Little Boy have gone through. But he was still anxious (Of course! I'm not looking forward to getting my flu shot either). So I promised to hold his hands and let him squeeze them as hard as he wanted to.

When we arrived at the doctor's office, the kids immediately noticed other kids leaving with suckers as well as stickers. They perked up right away.

So with the lure of candy before them, they bravely marched after the nurse when Big Boy's name was called. He did great today, even doing the vision and hearing all by himself. And both kids got their shots without screaming, fighting, or cutting off the circulation to my fingers!

As Big Boy pulled his shirt on, he said, "Mom, those shots really did hurt."

But they both marched out with stickers proudly affixed to their jackets and suckers firmly planted in their mouths. What a relief to have that over with!

A League of Extraordinary Trick-or-Treaters

This year was certainly extraordinary. Two of us spent the evening at the hospital, while the rest made the best of it. Sam commented on it this morning.

"Mom, next time can we all be home and give out candy and then everyone go to the other houses?"

I told him I hoped very much that we could do that next year. But I was very careful to make no promises. That's one thing I've learned in the past 7 1/2 years -- don't make promises you can't keep.

Here's Luke in his costume.


It was very important to the kids that he still wear his costume, even at the hospital. So Scott pulled this leopard-print outfit over his head and arms and put the cat hat on. He had too many things hooked up to get his legs into it, but we were able to take pictures for the kids... and the nurses loved it.

(P.S. Luke got discharged from the hospital today! This is a record for our family. We decided that he is one of those smart kids who learns from others -- he's showing us how Elli was supposed to do it! [She spent 7 weeks in the hospital for her first heart surgery.])

And here are the older three, ready to go.


Spiderman is Sam's favorite superhero. He encountered another Spiderman, minus the mask, while out in the neighborhood. Scott said they both froze, eyed each other up and down, and then announced to each other they were Spiderman. Then Sam yanked off his mask and finished the night without it. Hmm... think the boy is influenced by others?

Elli is Dora the Explorer (I love the cut-out hair!). We went to Party City for her costume, and this is the one she picked. They had an overwhelmed number of choices, and it was tough for me to narrow it down to the ones I thought she'd like... but she chose Dora over Tinker Bell and the other princess things. I'm all in favor of that -- being an explorer is much more achievable and admirable than being a princess.

Anna is a Princess-Doctor. The doctor bit was a last-minute enhancement she came up with on her own and insisted upon. She also decided not to wear the crown -- she squashed a soft flowery sun hat onto her curls instead. (Sorry - no photo. That was an even later last-minute enhancement that we didn't capture!)

1 John 4:10-11

(Little Boy is in the hospital recovering from his open-heart surgery, so I will be posting a couple more videos of Little Girl during these busy busy days. Enjoy!)

Hallowing Christ This Halloween

My husband Scott recently wrote about how Christians should interact with the holiday of Halloween. This is a copy of the article he posted on our church website this week.

What are your plans for trick-or-treat this year? Will you lock the door, turn off the porch light and retire to the basement? Will you go shopping, or out to eat? Or will you embrace the reality that dozens of little lost souls are parading up to your front door with their hands out, asking you to give them something — anything?

For the first few years of our marriage, Joy and I were the former. To us, participating in any Halloween activity was an endorsement of the demonic. It meant we were OK with the fake human cadavers and the blood-soaked mock murder scenes up and down our street. To us, Halloween had gone way too far, and we were not about to participate. In hindsight, that was not a biblical response.

As years went by, we became convicted as we began to see that the Bible calls us to have a much different attitude toward society. Instead of burying our heads in the sand and plugging our ears, we are to be the salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13). Instead of turning our backs on what’s going on in society, we are to shine as lights in the world (Philippians 2:15). Salt cannot have a seasoning effect if it is left in the cupboard. It must come in contact with blandness before its saltiness can be realized.

Not to mention the biblical commands to show hospitality (Romans 12:13; 1 Timothy 3:2; Titus 1:8; 1 Peter 4:9). By holing up in our house, we were sending an unspoken message “not welcome” to our closest neighbors, many of whom we had never met — and many of whom probably didn’t know Christ.

We often think of hospitality as entertaining friends in our home for a meal. But the true definition of hospitality differs on three levels. First, hospitality doesn’t necessarily involve an invitation. Secondly, hospitality is extended to strangers, not friends. And thirdly, hospitality isn’t limited to your home.

If you want to get really technical, hospitality is making an uninvited stranger feel welcome in the space where God has placed you, no matter where that is. It can mean welcoming a stranger into your office at work. It can mean extending a warm greeting to a new face at church. It can mean putting your briefcase in your lap on the bus so someone can sit next to you. There are hundreds of other examples.

Halloween is a magnificent opportunity to show the love of Christ to strangers, which moves us much closer to the true definition of hospitality. Sure, these passing strangers are dressed funny and are lugging candy-filled pillow cases. But consider that no other 2-hour window during the year affords us such an obvious opportunity to reflect the glory of Christ to our community.

Joy and I still hand out candy like everyone else, but we include an invitation card to our church. It is subtle. But each time we drop one in a bag, we lift up a prayer that the card will make its way into a home that needs Christ, or that needs a church home. Our job is to plant the seeds and God will grant the fruit in His providence. You may want to use Gospel tracts. Either way, it’s a tremendous opportunity to reach out to the neighborhood with the message of hope.

It was only a few years ago that God helped me to see that as a believer, I had something of infinite value to offer to the witches, goblins, super heroes and scarecrows — and their parents — who graced our front door every year. And that removing myself from trick-or-treat was a terrible mistake. I was wasting our opportunity to simply show the love of Christ, drop an invitation to church into their pillow case — and who knows, maybe even start a conversation that leads to sharing the Gospel.

So this year, don’t retreat to the back bedroom or the basement. Turn on all the outside lights. Open your door and do everything you can to make your house an outpost of heaven — and your life a salty seasoning to your lost neighbors who need Christ. You won’t have this easy an opportunity until next year!