Eight Years Ago

I became a mother.


I know, I know -- I was a mother before my oldest child was born. But pregnancy doesn't begin to compare to the task of raising a child after they are born.

My first child was born 8 years ago this morning. Motherhood is always a life-changing event. But I think everyone would agree that Elli's arrival signaled a larger life-earthquake than usual.

I had no idea that just three days later, on Leap Day, I would hold her for the last time for 3 whole weeks, in a triage room at the Children's Hospital Emergency Department. The next morning she would be clinging to life by a hair-thin thread, on full life-support after suffering a 30-minute cardiac arrest while being treated for jaundice in the NICU. I had never been to an intensive care unit before, and I'd never seen such a little person surrounded by so many machines, all critically important to her survival. She was quivering, a machine breathing for her, probes and wires and lines everywhere pumping medicines and nutrition into her and monitoring every possible signal her body gave out.


The next time I would be allowed to hold her was the day before a grueling 12-hour open-heart surgery. The nurse in the photo above is carefully holding Elli's breathing tube as we get settled into the rocking chair. Normally, you do not take a ventilator-dependent baby out of their bed. You rarely take a child out of bed who has lines going directly into their heart, as Elli did at this time. But we all knew that the odds of the next day's surgery going well were slim. Getting to hold my daughter that day was an act of mercy on our nurse's part. Even though I tried really hard not to think about it during those precious moments, I believed this might be last time I held her in this life.

The next day, when the surgeon asked us to sign the consent forms for surgery, he told us that he gave Elli a 20% chance of getting through the procedure alive. We didn't tell anyone until after the surgery. We knew that she had a 0% of surviving without the surgery, so the choice was simple. Agonizing, but simple.

And God was merciful to us. He granted her body extraordinary strength. She pulled through the surgery, and though the days and weeks immediately following were full of breakthroughs and setbacks, she slowly and steadily improved. We moved out of the ICU, moved back in, and finally moved out for good. We began to hear the magic word "home." We learned how to feed her by pouring formula and expressed breast milk into a tube that went through her nose, down her throat, and into her stomach. We learned how to put that tube in ourselves. We learned about all her medicines, which ones could be given together, which ones to give with food and which on an empty stomach, and which ones could not be given with other ones. It was mind-boggling and we were overwhelmed. But God provided grace, friends, and excellent nurses to teach us.


That first year felt like an eternity. I was more sleep-deprived than at any other point in my entire life. I used to fall asleep during Elli's occupational therapy appointments, and slap myself while driving home to avoid falling asleep at the wheel. I desperately wanted to get to the point where I could handle it on my own, without help, but I also knew that I was nowhere near there yet.

Now, 8 years later, I am even more awed at what God did in those first few weeks and months for Elli. She should not be alive today. She should not be breathing on her own, using a computer to communicate, and cracking people up with her sense of humor. But she is!


She is a beautiful miracle girl, and even though we still have our moments, I love her and am so thankful for her. I have so much more to learn about her, and I feel so inadequate and ignorant most of the time... but I know that God will continue to give us all the grace, wisdom, and endurance we need to get through each day.


Happy eighth birthday, Elli! We love you VERY much!

(Now, will you please go to sleep at a decent hour tonight?)

A Close Shave

It has been almost 8 years since I've seen an allergic reaction as bad as this one. (Elli had an equally dramatic reaction as a 3-month-old while in the ICU for a severe infection in her blood.)


Lit tle Boywoke up at 5am hungry. I nursed him and put him back to bed around 5:30. He woke up pretty quickly -- maybe 5:45am-- which is really unusual for him. I went in and quickly got him out of the bedroom so he wouldn't wake up his siblings as I could tell he was getting more and more upset. At first I thought he was still hungry, but he was just thrashing around, and within minutes he was screaming and shaking. At this point, I noticed his eye was getting puffy. I laid him on the couch and started pulling off his pajamas to see how his breathing was and try to figure out what was causing him such pain. I thought first of his heart, then of possible seizure or stroke, but I quickly discovered that he was covered with red welts.

Fortunately, he started settling down soon after I discovered the welts and gave him Benadryl. If he had gotten any worse or cried for any longer, I would have called an ambulance.

He had a huge swelling on his left eye, left ear, and behind his neck, in addition to the welts everywhere.

I spent the next half hour watching him, wracking my brain for something out of the ordinary that could have caused such a rapid, severe reaction, and trying to decide who and when to call. The only thing I could think of was a large, rich, chocolately brownie consumed late last night. I was very sad to think my son might be allergic to chocolate! Little Boy remained stable, so I let him sleep and called the pediatrician's office as soon as they opened. When we arrived, the welts were quite red, and the rest of his skin was pale and yellowish, making them stand out even worse.

The doctor quickly reassured me that both Little Boy and I could still eat chocolate. He explained that this was a penicillin allergy. Apparently you can develop this after multiple exposures to any penicillin derivative, even as an adult -- it doesn't necessarily occur on the first exposure. We discontinued the antibiotics he was taking for his ears (which are clear now, thank the Lord) and started a round of prednisolone to help his body recover. He will have the rash for a few days, I'm told, but he just woke up from his long Benadryl-induced nap and is back to his normal cheery self.

----

In another close shave, last night we finally convinced Big Boy to let us take the clippers to his head. He's been resisting them for months. Here's the (much better) "after" shot:

(Enjoying hot chocolate after a morning of sledding)

[another] snow day

I finally got a chance to take the older three kids out for some fun in the snow today! We have a decent slope in the backyard for sledding, especially for kids between 2 and 6 years old.

Anna tasting the "delicious" snow

Elli loved riding the sled, despite being soaked by the freezing rain

Nothing beats hot chocolate after snow sledding!

Dear America

Dear America.

Please stop complaining about everything.

Sincerely,

Tim from Canada

(I mean, seriously, is there a country in the world that is greater than the U.S. but which breeds such discontent among its people?)

Ear Infection Hiatus

The rate at which I write resembles molasses in January these days. That's mostly because the rate at which I do everything resembles molasses in January (or should I say February since that has been a colder month?) right now. I'm slowly recovering my energy after a hectic few weeks.


Things are back to normal for the most part. We all were sick for about 2 weeks there at the beginning of this month, which put me back into sleep deprivation mode. I can tell I'm getting older because it now takes longer for me to recover from lack of sleep. Lately Little Boy has been trying to defeat a persistent ear infection. During the day, he's done really well and you'd almost not know he was sick. But at night he suffers and hasn't slept well til 2 days ago.

We've had quite a few doctor's appointments and meetings as well. Some we've made, some we've had to reschedule either because people were sick or because of the weather. After no snow days in January, we've had 3 in February! It looks possible that we could have another tomorrow. I really really hope not -- I have a work-related call to make tomorrow morning and I need a quiet house! (Which means that World War III will most certainly break out at approximately 9:42am!)

Today I discovered that I'm not quite caught up on sleep yet. I picked Elli up at school to go visit her pulmonologist. This is particularly important this time of year, and we had to reschedule once already because she had the stomach flu on the original appointment date. I arrived at the doctor's office 5 minutes before her appointment time, which is a small miracle in itself! Then the registration girl informed me that I was at the wrong office. I was at least 20 minutes' drive (not including loading and unloading time) from the right office. She called over for me, but the doctor and his staff had computer training this afternoon down at the main hospital, so they couldn't squeeze us in today.


If I was totally sleep-deprived I would probably have burst into tears. If I had dragged all four kids to the wrong place, I would probably have cried too. But fortunately, I slept well last night and Scott worked from home today, so I only had two kids with me. I managed to keep a smile on my face, give Elli her lunch, return her to school, and run one more errand with Big Boy before heading home. Thanks be to God for granting me grace to remain calm and accept this situation!


This afternoon I've been disassembling, moving, and reassembling all four of the kids' beds. (I'm also discovering just how badly I need to get back to the gym!) We finally decided that in order for everyone to sleep better, Elli needs her own room as far from me as possible. Little Girl has started crying when her sister carries on too much at night, and every time she makes a peep, it wakes me up.


So we're moving the boys into the big bedroom with Little Girl, putting the bunk beds back together, and moving Elli into the smaller front bedroom. As we save up the money, we'll buy solid wood doors for each room, starting with Elli's. I think the kids will be fine sharing a room for awhile, especially if we keep LittleGirl's clothes in Elli's room. We have long-range plans to finish our basement with at least one bedroom, if not two...but that won't happen for years since we first need to save up for a van. (We're still reeling from sticker shock -- a 2-year-old minivan with all the features we need will cost between $40,000 and $50,000!) We're praying for God to keep our current van running at least another year while we save as much cash as we can for this.


Other thoughts running through my head this week, particularly with the snow days we've had, are related to the summer. I'm really not sure how I'm going to manage that 3 months with all four kids at home full-time. This year Elli has demonstrated her need to be much more closely supervised. And Little Boy will be mobile: crawling and learning to walk, Lord-willing.

Scott had all four kids by himself on Monday, and that night he said he wished we could afford a live-in nanny! We agreed that for the next two years it will be like having twins... both with medical needs. We're praying for wisdom as we look into possible activities (such as day camps, summer school, or in-home help) to keep Elli busy and active. I won't be able to do as much for her as I'd like with Little Boy at such a high-maintenance place in his development, and I can't neglect the other two either. I know that God will provide in one way or another, so I'm not stressed about it. I keep reminding myself to turn my worrying into praying and giving the situation to Him because He's the one who can and will work on it!

Love Your Neighbor

I just read Distrust, Suspicion, or Love? on Tim Challies's blog. In it, he contrasts the church and approach to evangelism he experienced as a child with the church and approach to evangelism he experiences now. As a child, the church his family attended regarded unbelievers... the "world..." as an enemy to be kept at bay. Only once could he recall his church holding a baptism, and never did he see them baptize an adult. No adults were ever converted!

His family did not hold to this fortress, us-against-them mentality, so he and his siblings played with all the kids in the neighborhood, invited friends to church, and developed deep and lasting friendships. He described the reaction of the church kids to the friends he and his siblings brought to church -- fear and animosity manifested as mockery. In fact, one boy who came to church with dyed-blond hair and an earring was openly mocked by the other kids so that he never returned and never expressed any interest in spiritual things again.

I agree with him that this is a huge problem. I remember encountering similar attitudes among home-schooling families when I was growing up. I was home-schooled from third grade through high-school. The home-schooling families I knew had pulled their kids out of school for a variety of reasons, but one common theme was the desire to separate from the influences of the world.

In theory, I think this is a reasonable concern, especially because children are very impressionable. However, in practice, I saw it play out in the parents as an "I am a rock, I am an island" and "Can anything good come from Nazareth?" attitude towards the world. You cannot love people you refuse to associate with. And this unbiblical attitude fosters many undesirable fruits in the kids. I saw some develop an unhealthy attitude towards the "outside world" -- whether it manifesting itself as fear or as animosity. And many, myself included, struggled against an inordinate fascination with the forbidden. As Tim observed,

"... the children developed a fascination with the world simply because any access to the outside world had been denied to them and they had never seen the pain and heartbreak that are the inevitable result of forsaking God. The world looks awfully attractive until a person sees the results of giving himself over to it."

I'm not knocking home-schooling as a good educational choice. The kids I graduated with received a high-quality education, and some of them did look upon unbelievers with love, concern, and a "But for the grace of God, go I" perspective. But it is not the only good choice, and it certainly is not the only right choice. (For some thought-provoking reading on this, check out "Does the Bible Mandate Home School?" and "Home, Private, or Public School?" by the staff of Pulpit Magazine, a publication of Shepherd's Fellowship and staffed by many from Grace Community Church in California.)

I am criticizing the desire to completely separate from the world. This demonstrates a lack of love for the unsaved. You cannot interact with unbelievers in a bunny suit, sterile gloves, and oxygen tank! You have to develop friendships, live out Christ's love for the unclean and the immoral, pray that God would open their eyes and soften their hearts, and as you discover the cracks and chasms in their worldview, lovingly share Scripture.

Christ got down and dirty with the people of Israel during his ministry here. He himself said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." And He is our example. Whatever means you choose to educate your children, and no matter how many services you attend at church, you cannot avoid the command to get out there into the world, get to know people where they are, and share the hope that we have and the answers to the tough questions everyone asks. I have found that people today are pretty numb to words without context. They want to see us actually live what we believe. God's transforming work in our lives validates our message, but they cannot see that work in us if we don't get to know them.

So if the only people you know are exactly like you, I challenge you to consider what you can do to expand your world a bit. Take a class, join a club, volunteer somewhere, sign the kids up for a community sports team and help carpool the team to events.

One of the joys of my little part-time job has been the great friends I've made there. None of them are believers (though some think they are). I'm also meeting parents of my daughters' classmates and slowly developing friendships with them.

I've learned (and am still learning) over the years to tread lightly, and not automatically expect that people listen to me or agree with me. I make a conscious effort to listen to them, ask thoughtful and unassuming questions, try to understand their perspective, and take a genuine interest in their lives. They know that I follow Christ, serve in my local church, honor and love my husband, and work hard to rear my children according to our values. I have learned a lot from them, and I've had a tremendous opportunity to live my beliefs out before them during health crises and during difficult situations at work. I pray daily for wisdom, godly words, a gentle and quiet spirit, and boldness to speak when the time is right. Even when the days are tough, I remind myself that God has me there for a reason and pray that He would use me somehow, despite my flaws and failings.

Hurray! Snow Day!

We get the day off today, not so much from snow as from "wintry mix." Our district doesn't call snow days very often, and when they do, it's usually because of ice, not snow.

We got phone calls from the "public information officer" at 11pm last night and at 7am this morning. She records a message and then their automated call system sends it out to every one of our 12,000+ students.

At 11pm, we were sound asleep and all I wanted was to hear whether they were delaying or canceling school so I could go back to sleep. She messes around with perky greetings and things like "the kids must have been counting snow flakes last night" before finally mentioning a 2-hour delay. She did it again this morning -- dilly-dallied around before finally saying that school was canceled.

I think I may write a constructively-worded suggestion that she get to the point a little faster. Especially when they call at 5:30am to delay or cancel school (that's when we usually get the call).

Now... what are we going to do with our snow day? I'm so thankful that everyone is finally on the mend in our house! So we can actually enjoy this day. I think we'll get Valentines ready for Elli's party on Friday, make brownies, and watch movies. Oh, and do laundry. (I was so exhausted by the end of last week that I couldn't keep up anymore.)

Mysterious Visitors

Jazz awakened to find the toys were alive and were very angry.

(I found this scene one afternoon this week when I had a few spare moments to attempt a nap. I had to kick quite a few "people" off my bed!)

sigh. yawn. sigh.

(Modified at 12:30am, Wednesday)
After a wonderful break from the sick ward last night (I went to a women's event coordinated by our church where I got my coupons clipped and my shopping list started), I headed to bed. Which turned out to be a frustrating endeavor all around. Little Boy, as usual, woke up in need of Tylenol, sometime. The nights are all blurring together so I have no idea when it really was. He did, thankfully, sleep til morning.

Then at 4am, Little Girl woke up and started crying. Loudly. I went in there to find her complaining that she needed a drink. Argh. We have been working on waking up quietly for months now, but sometimes she still goes dramatic on us.

Last night, she woke Elli up with all the fuss. Elli was very unhappy when we all went back to bed. But she settled down.

Until Little Girl got back up to go potty (to her credit, she did this on her own). But she started crying and carrying on from the potty. I had now been up three times in the night, so I asked Scott to check on her. I have no idea what was wrong, but when he tucked Little Girl back in bed, Elli started yelling. She didn't stop for an hour.

As I tossed and turned, I fantasized about building a soundproof bedroom. Scott and I were both awake and extremely frustrated. We knew today was busy and would not allow for naps, what with the hardwood floor installation continuing and all. There's nothing quite like two grown adults lying in bed at 5am, fuming at a 7-year-old who has no concept of being quiet and letting other people sleep.

Now running on a severe, long-term sleep deficit, I finally got Elli up at 7am, got her ready for school, gave her a breathing treatment for her now chronic cough, and sent her off on the bus. The hardwood floor guys arrived, and I packed a lunch. Since we were not spewing snot everywhere today, I figured the best escape from the noise would be a trip to the Children's Museum.

Just before I left, the school nurse called to see if she could give Elli another breathing treatment. I said to go for it, and off we went, not even thinking that perhaps this might be a bad idea.

On the way, I missed three calls from school saying that the treatment hadn't helped and that Elli was now running a fever and needed to go home. I finally got the messages when we got into the museum and kids were playing.

Rain poured the whole time we were out, and I only had 1 umbrella.

I called Scott, who fortunately was working from home this morning, and asked him to pick Elli up, so the kids could play for a teeny little bit before I dragged them out again. (I had to pick up her wheelchair later because it won't fit in his car.)

I locked my keys in the van.

We waited in the rain for 15 minutes for security, only to learn from another driver that they couldn't unlock cars.

Scott drove all the way down to the museum after picking up Elli to unlock the van. I figured he'd get there long before AAA would, and driving was quieter than being home anyway.

We finally got home around 2, but you can't rest when your entire house is full of construction tools, supplies, and noise. When everyone is sick, you can't escape at someone else's house either. So the only person who got a nap was Little Boy, after the installers left for the day.

The good news is that they will be done midday tomorrow, the floors look amazing and are SO much easier to maneuver the wheelchair and other equipment over, and Little Boy is definitely doing better. I haven't gotten the stomach flu...yet. Despite the day's twists and turns, I managed by the grace of God to not lose my temper, and didn't get too snappish either, at least til dinner. I will be rescheduling tomorrow's meeting at school a second time, but Elli's teachers couldn't be there tomorrow anyway.

The bad news is that Elli went from stomach flu to cold and fever without skipping a beat. I really hope that doesn't put her at higher risk for Elli-style complications.

Frugality, Week Two

Thanks to everyone's comments and suggestions on how to save money at the grocery store! I did a little better last week, but I can tell this is going to take practice!

I'd like to ask those coupon-clippers out there for some help.

I've looked into coupons before, and at face value, they didn't save me any money. I often don't buy the things you can get coupons for because it's cheaper and healthier to make it yourself. For the things I do buy, store brands are usually cheaper than name brands, even with a coupon. Most of the time I'm happy with store brands.

So is using coupons only when something is already on sale the trick? Is there something else I'm missing about using them? How do you make coupons work for you?

I'm Surrounded!

Scott returned home from church yesterday with the stomach flu. He spent the next 10 hours on the couch, mostly asleep. He finally ate something for lunch today, but he's still really tired.

Elli woke up feeling miserable and vomited a handful of times this morning. She spent all morning camped out on our bed watching TV and hardly moving a muscle. In the last 2 hours or so, she finally perked up enough to sit up and talk with her Dynavox.

Little Boy was coughing worse this morning than ever. Since this was day 5 with no improvement, I made him an appointment for late morning. He was still fever-free and happy-go-lucky when he wasn't coughing, so I didn't think he had anything too serious. Just wanted the pediatrician to listen to his lungs and tell me I was being a hyper-vigilant mom.

On top of all of this, we are having hardwood floors installed this week. Elli can't budge her walker in carpet, so in order to give her some space to practice walking and to make it easier to get her wheelchair around our house, we pulled out a bunch of carpet and linoleum.

Needless to say, I had to completely rearrange my day. I canceled Elli's 8am appointment, called her in sick for school, and moved the last few things out of the way for the flooring installers! I had planned to take the kids to the library after the doctor's appointments today so we wouldn't have to be around all the noise.

But with all the sick people in the house, we were trapped. We had no choice but to endure the sawing, hammering,dust, and banging. Scott stayed home today, so I was able to leave three kids with him while I took Little Boy to my doctor's appointment (just a routine checkup) and then to his doctor.

Turns out that Little Boy has a rip-roaring double ear-infection. The doctor couldn't believe how happy and asymptomatic he was! He's on antibiotics and Tylenol and will get those ears checked again when we go back for February's Synergis injection.

So here's where we stand.

We have two more days of hardwood flooring installation. Two more days of dust and noise. (It looks great, by the way!)

Elli seems to be recovering and should be able to go to school tomorrow. I was worried about her this morning -- these things hit her hard and can really throw the tenuous balance in her body off.

Little Boy is still coughing and dripping, so he's still contagious. He hasn't slept through the night in over a week.

I am the only one who hasn't gotten this stomach flu. It would seem it's just a matter of time. :(

I have a mild version of Little Boy's cold.

I haven't slept well in over a week (though I managed to snag short naps Friday and today).

My normally large thyroid is now gigantic, which makes me feel like I have a chronic lump in my throat. It's also the possible source of my lack of energy... though I've been tired so long and have so much going on in my "normal" life that I have no way to know if I'm abnormally tired!

I've already asked Scott to let people at work now that if I get this flu, he'll have to take another sick day. It's clear to me that I won't be able to take care of anything here for that 24-hour period. If I'm lucky, it won't hit me until Friday night. He won't have to take anytime off and I'll be better by the beginning of next week.

It's Just a Cold, Right?

Little Boy, my fourth child, has been sick with a cold for 4 days now. So he and I are hanging out at home, in our pajamas, this beautiful Sunday morning. I'm listening to sermons online and praying for him. It's his second cold ever, but this one seems to be a tough one -- he's coughing a lot and is clearly miserable.

I know I should be calm about this. After all, he's my fourth and I've seen an awful in my 8 1/2 years as a mom.

But that's part of the problem, I think. I have seen too much go too wrong. In fact, with my first child, Elli, everything that could go wrong did (and pretty much still does - she has quite a reputation for being a difficult case!). Elli spent almost as much time in the hospital as she did at home during her first year of life. She survived half an hour of cardiac arrest when she was 4 days old, had 2 open-heart surgeries, and struggled through several viruses that sent her to the ICU. The very fact that she is about to celebrate her 8th birthday is a miracle, for which we thank God every day. I learned a month ago that she is "famous" in our children's hospital's cardiology department. Not exactly the notoriety a mother dreams of, but far better than the alternative!

Unfortunately, Little Boy is taking after his big sis. He is currently living with a significant heart defect. He had open-heart surgery at the end of October and will have another sometime this spring ("May-ish" according to his doc.). Overall, he is doing much better than Elli did, but everyone is very careful with him anyway.

I spent several weeks in December and January working to get our insurance to approve Synergis and looking for financial aid for the extremely high copays for this. (Synergis is a monthly injection that protects against RSV, a respiratory virus that can be life-threatening in preemies or babies with other health issues.) If he'd been old enough, he'd have gotten the flu vaccine too (you have to be 6 months old, and everyone's out of it now).

So I'm a teeny weeny bit paranoid about this cold. I have it too, though I'm keeping it at bay with zinc supplements, so I am reasonably sure it isn't influenza (I got the vaccine this year). However, I don't have a good feel for how he handles viruses yet. So I'm being super-vigilant. At least once every 24 hours, I check all of these:

• Temperature
• Respiration rate
• Ease of breathing
• Appetite
  
• Fluid intake
• Fluid output
• Skin color
• Oxygen level, if he'll hold still (one perk of having another chronically-ill child is that you have nifty little gadgets like pulse oximeters laying around your house!)

I have my sick-child toolkit handy. Behold:


I'm not going to show you my medication bin -- it's amazing what you learn and collect with a chronically-ill child! Unfortunately, most in my med kit only works for children 2 years and older. The only things I can give Little Boy are acetaminophen, ibuprofen, and diphenhydramine HCI (Benadryl). Technically, according to my pharmacy, babies can also take pseudoephedrin (Sudafed), but with Little Boy's heart defect, I prefer not to, as it can be a stimulant.

I've decided on my criteria for a trip to the Urgent Care or the Emergency Department (if he gets really bad really fast). He's going if I see any one of the following:

• Fever
• Labored breathing
• Dusky color
• Yellow or green mucus (it's clear or cloudy right now)
• Disappearance of his bubbly personality
• Low pulse-ox reading, if I can get one (for him, this would be below 90%)

Any one of these would indicate an infection or that he has lost the ability to maintain sufficient oxygen levels in his blood.

I also decided that if Little Boy isn't improving any by tomorrow, I'm going to take him to the pediatrician. I just so happen to also have an appointment for Elli with her pulmonologist first thing tomorrow morning (8am -- should be fun getting 5 of us out the door by 7:45!), and I am confident that he would also listen to Little Boy  for me if I asked him to.

I really really really hope I'm just being paranoid. But I can't shake the feeling of foreboding today. I guess I thought I'd see an improvement in him by today if he was going to get better. I've been wrong before, though, so hopefully I'm wrong about this one.

The Frugal Apprentice

I've made it a goal this year to be more frugal. I have a lot to learn in this area, especially since I've resisted the concept for a long time. I've incorrectly claimed that extra effort involved with saving money wasn't worth the actual savings. God has been working on my stubborn heart in this area, and has been convicting me of my... let's call a spade a spade... irresponsibility. I need to be a better steward of the resources and time that God has given to me and to our family.

My sister Sharyne is a frugal genius. I have watched her learn to stretch her grocery budget in the face of some extreme circumstances, bringing honor to her husband and demonstrating incredible ingenuity and resourcefulness. She puts me to shame, and I have a lot to learn from her hard-earned skill in this area.

Part of my problem is my dislike of accountability for my spending habits. God has shown me that I must change my way of thinking about our finances. I've been arrogant, thinking that I knew how to do this and had it under control. God has convicted me of this and called me to humble myself and ask for help.

So this week, I asked Scott to spend an evening with me to review our finances, make some goals together, and plan a budget to accomplish those goals. He has asked me to do this with him many times over the past few years, but I've forgotten or postponed or otherwise avoided this. As we worked through a record-keeping system and the budget, it became very clear to me that two heads are better than one and that I had been foolish to think that I could (or should) do this on my own. (It's surprisingly difficult to figure out which month to record each bill or receipt when things come due at different times!)

We agreed that we need to keep much closer tabs on our spending. A friend gave us a great idea: put your monthly meeting on the calendar! If we don't put a monthly review of our finances on the calendar, it's too easy to let it slip. This provide me the necessary accountability and helps us both keep our goals in mind.

I expressed my desire to work on my spending, particularly for groceries. Scott fully-supports this, and understands the system I'm following, which is important since he prepares meals sometimes! The last few days, I've been reading and learning about frugal shopping, menu-planning, and using coupons. Everything I've read says that it takes time and practice to get a good system down and to start small, so I'm trying to take that to heart.

Here are some tips I've picked up to work on for the next few weeks.

1. Look at the food you have in the house as you make your grocery list. (Duh - but I honestly have to remind myself to check everything and not just assume I know what my inventory is!)
2. Look at what is on sale at your area stores this week.
   
3. Plan what you will serve at each meal for a week, based on what you have in the house and what's on sale. I've always planned meals, but I've never based those meal choices on the combination of what I already have and what's on sale.
   
4. Make a grocery list.
   
5. Only buy what is on your list. If your budget allows, stock up on the things that are on sale.
   

Your ultimate goal is to never pay full-price for anything. Items typically go on sale once every 2-3 months. So the idea is to stock up a 2-3 month's supply when it's on sale, so you don't have to buy it again til it goes on sale again.

It takes 1-2 months, from what I've read, to get this system fully in place. Until you've been through a complete cycle, you won't have an adequate stockpile and your expenses will be a bit higher. So you have to allow about 3 months to gradually work your spending down.

More to come, as I learn how to use coupons and spend virtually nothing at CVS for non-perishables and toiletries.

If you're interested in learning more, "Money-Saving Mom" has an excellent tutorial and daily shopping tips. Check the sidebar for "Beginners Start Here."

Fun with Germs and Bosses

It's been a long, tiring week for me, physically and mentally.

It has been tiring physically, as we've had a variety of illnesses spreading through the family. Only two of the six of us caught the stomach flu, a huge blessing from God and a tribute, I believe, to frequent vigorous hand-washing. Unfortunately, Little Boy managed to find a cold virus somewhere, and since he is so well-loved, I expect this one to spread faster and further. He loves to play with people's faces with hands that spend much of the day in his mouth! I am fighting off cold symptoms with zinc today. Little Boy also struggled with one of the worst cases of constipation I've seen since Elli was a baby. That resulted in a very bad night of sleep early in the week. Last night was another rough night since he had a cold, Elli woke up for no reason, and I had to get out the door for a very-early-morning meeting at the hospital.

Mentally, I've been working through, praying through, talking through a situation with my supervisor at work. People who know me know that I'm a gal who speaks up when something isn't right. I am very uncomfortable with one-on-one confrontation, but I also am unable to stand idly by and watch wrong. Speaking up and calling a supervisor to account is a very tricky thing, especially for someone who sincerely wishes to honor God in everything I do.

My job-share partner and I are in a unique position: we are not bread-winners, and because of that, we don't need our jobs. We decided that we'd rather risk discipline or termination than stay silent, lose the ability to do our jobs, and watch our entire department go under. I took a big step 3 weeks ago to get someone outside our department (above it, actually) involved. This was a big risk and has created quite a bit of totally-understandable tension. The result was that we were able to schedule a face-to-face meeting with my job-share partner, my supervisor, and her new boss. I prayed most of the day prior to the meeting, and even during the meeting, that God would keep my speech honest, timely, beneficial, and kind.

We did our best to communicate our concerns without attacking our supervisor personally or "tattling" on her. I worked very hard through the meeting to focus on constructive solutions. We had to talk about what was going wrong, but I really tried to keep everyone thinking about how we can fix things and make a bad situation better.

I think that I still have some goodwill with my supervisor, because of this focus on how to make things work. While the meeting was difficult, we did walk away with some things to try and I immediately put those into action. I know she sees that and respects that. We will meet again next week to work some more on ways to improve. So we remain amicable and able to work together.

All day today, I've been praying about something else. I believe that part of my job is to do everything I can to make my department and my supervisor look good and to succeed. I believe that is a crucial part of submitting to my earthly authorities. I've had this sense that part of this might include meeting with my supervisor privately to share some suggestions for how she can improve, based on what I've heard and seen in the department. She has created so much animosity by her own actions. I'm praying about whether it might be part of my responsibility to help her succeed by carefully sharing how she has come across so that she has the opportunity to make some changes. I don't know -- it's something I'm praying about.