God's Lent Child

Elli's grandma and aunt read this poem at Elli's memorial service. It was sent to us by a friend, from another friend who had lost a child recently. It expresses well the way we understand parenthood -- that we are stewards of the children in our families, not their owners, and that God gives them to us to raise for a time.

God's Lent Child
by Florence Correa

I'll lend you for a little while a child of mine, God said,
For you to love her while she lives, and mourn for when she's dead.

It may be six or seven years, or forty-two or three;
But will you, till I call her back, take good care of her for me?

I'll bring her charms to gladden you, and should her stay be brief,
You'll have the lovely memories as a solace for your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return;
But there are lessons taught below I want this child to learn.

I've searched the whole world over, for teachers kind and true;
And from the throngs that crowd life's lane I have chosen you...

Now will you give her all your love? Nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me should the angels call, to take this child back again?

To which the parents did reply, Dear Lord, Thy will be done.
For all the joys thy child will bring, the risk of grief we'll run.

We'll shelter her with tenderness, We'll love her while we may...
For all the love this child will bring, forever grateful we will stay.

But should the Angels call for her much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.

Suffering and the Healing of Our Spirits

My dad shared the following at Elli's memorial service. I asked him for permission to share it here because I so appreciated what he had to say.

In the 9th chapter of John’s gospel, the apostle records the disciple’s question about a blind man’s blindness. Like many today, they assumed that bad things happened to people who had sinned against God as a kind of punishment. Jesus’ answer revealed the shallowness of this kind of thought and provided a positive outlook on all manner of suffering. He said, “It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” One of the great works God displayed through Elli was to use her in the lives of many to make them more like Christ.

God uses people like Elli to challenge our preconceptions and wrong ideas about God as well as to draw faith and obedience out of God’s people. Following Christ does not guarantee a life free from trouble. Her care givers had to come to grips with real suffering and helplessness. All of us had to learn to fight our natural selfishness. Literally everything had to be done for Elli, with almost no likelihood that it would ever be different. We had to learn patience in order to communicate with Elli. Because her responses to conversation are much slower than normal, we had to become good listeners.

Her parents sacrificed normal family vacations in favor of simpler plans that could include Elli. Resources that could have gone elsewhere were spent modifying cars and homes so Elli could get around more easily. We rejoiced over progress which in others might be thought small. Sometimes the reward we got was the way her beautiful brown eyes sparkled or by her gentle touch. Those who took the time serving Elli grew and learned to serve Christ by serving her.

Why has God so arranged things that we grow in Christ’s likeness through sorrow and suffering? Elli endured many surgeries to correct her improperly formed heart as well as to correct other problems that resulted from confinement in a wheel chair. The amount of planning that went into each of Elli’s operations was enormous. If all we ever saw was the blood and the cutting, the labored breathing and cries, no one would ever opt for such surgeries, much less put their beloved daughter through them. Yet, we do it because we trust the intentions and the skills of the physicians, and because without the operation, we, or our child, will die.

You see, we are very quick to treat the ailments of the body, but often oblivious to the more serious sicknesses of the spirit. The care and healing of a human soul is far more complicated than any physical surgery. Some of us do not even want to admit that we are sick and so do not come to Christ to be made well. Followers of Jesus Christ have had the first and greatest of the heart surgeries absolutely necessary to save our souls, and all of the pain of that was borne by the Physician Himself. But God in His wisdom has chosen other means throughout our lives to complete the work He began. It is through these often painful events that hard hearts become tender, and selfish men and women become Christ centered. Proud people learn humility by accepting God’s dealing with us, however pleasant or painful, as directed by a loving, wise and all powerful Creator. God matured Elli’s caregivers this way. What Elli learned and became through her life may not be fully known today. But we know from her responses to music, hymns, and the stories and prayers she heard from Joy and Scott, that she loved Christ as much as any 8 year old girl can.

Christians follow Christ because we have concluded that He is trustworthy. We follow Him because our God proved His love for us beyond all question by putting His Son to death in our place for our sins on a cross. Because He is beautiful and magnificent beyond description. Because He is wise beyond all imagination with His brilliance evidenced by the extraordinary design of this vast and beautiful universe. His splendor and majesty are only hinted at by the marvelous gifts of human love and creativity. And so we submit, sometimes with fear as we might to any serious operation, to these secondary surgeries so necessary to correct the twistedness of our persons. And we know, that one day, in God’s perfect time, we will find ourselves in a different sort of recovery room. For Elli, this happened last Sunday morning when she heard a gentle voice say, “It is time to wake up, Elli.” As she opened her eyes she saw the Jesus that her Mommy and Daddy had told her about. The Great Physician took her by the hand and Elli, who has always loved music, found her voice and sang her first song – a song of praise to her God.

A Big Hole at School

Elli always loved school. The people who worked with her there were able to focus 100% of their attention on her, unlike I could when she was at home. They were highly-skilled at finding ways to draw out of a child what was hidden inside their malfunctioning body. We were blessed to be able to find a house we could afford in one of the best school districts in our state, with some of the best special education staff around. I will never be able to thank them enough for their dedication to our little girl.

Elli's special education specialist spoke at her memorial service this week. She has given me permission to post what she said here. Some of the things she said I hadn't even heard yet, as Elli had only been in school 2 months and we'd been focused on her medical situation, rather than her education recently.

My name is Lesley. I was TRULY BLESSED to have been Elli’s support educator at her school for the past 2 years.

Elli greeted all of us daily with her sparkling eyes and smile and it just started your day off right. Elli was such a smart girl. She amazed me and everyone who worked with her daily – each session with her I would end by saying “Elli you are such a cool amazing girl!!!” She beamed.

I was teaching her to read. I was very fortunate to attend a seminar recently and they brought in an expert who had done a lot of research and spent time teaching non-verbal students to read. I was so excited about all that I learned and visions of Elli were dancing through my head during the seminar. I rushed home and called Joy to tell her about my excitement. The next time I saw Elli, we dove right in and I said “Elli, I’m going to teach you to read, isn’t that exciting!” She was bouncing in her chair and smiling.

She did amazing during the short time we worked on the program. She was so smart and always impressed me by her eagerness to learn new things.

Her ability to communicate using her Dynovox device was AMAZING. Just last week she was acting very upset during an activity that I knew she loved. So finally I said “Elli HONEY, what is WRONG?” and gave her the device. She IMMEDIATELY navigated through pages to find her feelings page, then pushed “what’s wrong with me is in here” then pushed “I’m thirsty” then pushed “I need a drink” then pushed “put water in my g-tube”. O.K, mystery solved, I gave her a drink and she was a happy girl.

Last school year she was exercising on the mat with Barb, another thing she loved to do. She was fussy, which was not typical. We asked her “Elli, what is wrong?” and she instantly found feelings again, touched “I’m hurt,” found her ankle on her device, and sure enough, when we removed her sock and leg brace, on her ankles we found a red spot. I am sure Elli is enjoying her new ability to communicate in Heaven, and I bet she is talking up a storm.

Elli was such a good friend at school to everyone she was in contact with both special needs and students in her classroom. This year especially we noticed how much she CRAVED those peer relationships

Deb and Barbara (her wonderful para-professionals here at school for the past 2 years ) would comment daily on how great it was watching her light up with the kids in class. She wanted to be everyone’s friend, and she was!

She enjoyed her circle of friends in 3rd grade very much, and those students just adored her.

Elli was a true hero – constantly struggling to get her body to do what she wanted it to do. It was fun watching her make physical accomplishments at Special Olympics. We cheered her on as she played soccer, grasped and lifted a block, bowled, and shot hoops at basketball. Daily we’d get her to exercise in her walker, and boy did she need motivation to get those legs moving. We programmed silly Veggie Tales songs to get her to laugh on a communication switch. That would make her go! On her last day with us at school on Friday she walked 28 feet. She laughed hysterically as she reached the button and pressed the goofy song we had programmed for her.

Elli loved music; at school and during our afternoon group in my room, she would bounce up and down as we sang our Days of the Week song and Months of the Year song. Her spirit was with us as we sang for the first time without her on Tuesday. I was imagining an energized Elli dancing and singing along with us using her new voice and strong legs up in heaven.

Every day as Elli left her classroom, the class would sing “BYE Elli, we'll MISS you!!” Elli would laugh and smile a radiant smile.

Well... Elli we WILL miss you and know you are smiling down upon us now. Thank you for blessing each of us while you were here. We can’t wait to see you again in Heaven. As we mourn for you here on earth because we miss you dearly, we know that you are now FREE, and we celebrate your life.

We love you, Elli.