Be Still and Know

At a women's conference I attended this last weekend, one of the speakers talked about hope in the midst of suffering. She understood long-term pain -- her story was one of years of loss, both financially and in people. Despite having a very solid "theology of suffering" (understanding of how God uses difficulties to grow His people), she still struggled, as we all do, with what He'd allowed to happen and with how long the difficult time lasted.


She has written a book of encouragement to those down in that valley like she was. It's called "The Steadfast Heart" by Elyse Fitzpatrick, and comes with a CD of readings and songs since sometimes you're so burdened that you can't just sit down and read a book.

One of the songs has really encouraged me. I know that life right now isn't as difficult as it has been -- the kids are relatively healthy, we have a larger house that fits our needs better, Elli hasn't been hospitalized in two years, etc. But the relentless and often thankless work of caring for the kids, especially for Elli who needs so much every day, often wears me down more than the big crises do. And sometimes in the less-dramatic days, that's when my mind has time and energy to reflect on what has happened and work itself into theological or philosophical corners. This song was a good reminder to me now, while I have a moment to think, and to internalize for the future.

Be Still and Know by Steve and Vicki Cook

When mountains fall
And water rise
Come hide yourself in Me
The One whose voice
Commands the waves
Still knows your every need
Come now and wait on Me
Draw near and rest in Me

Be still and know
That I am God
Be still and know
That I am God

When darkness falls
And sorrows rise
Remember who I am
The one who dwells
In eternity
Still comforts His own child
Come now and look to Me
Draw near and hold to Me


Be still and know
That I am God
Be still and know
That I am God

When darkness falls
And sorrows rise
Remember who I am

Mold

I made two trips to our storage unit today. One of the items I retrieved was a very large bin full of my clothes. I opened it to see what it was and all looked well then.

This evening, I opened the bin to start putting stuff away. Immediately, a wave of stale, 100-year-old building air knocked me down. In disbelief, I leaned down closer to sniff the clothes. That smell couldn't be coming from them! They were in a water-tight bin! Sure enough, the smell got stronger.

Then I noticed something on a curling iron resting on top of the clothes.

Condensation.

Still in denial, I reached down and picked up the top shirt. Wet.

The entire bin of clothes. My clothes. Socks, t-shirts, sweaters, the Isis wrap Brenda spent so much time knitting and re-knitting, the little bag Scott bought me in Brussels, lingerie, my favorite winter pajamas, my blow dryer... all soaking wet and many encrusted in mold.

I grabbed two laundry baskets and a huge trash bag and began sorting. By the end, half the clothes were in the trash bag. Strangely, some of the clothes were untouched by the mold, while others were totally brown from it. There was no rhyme or reason to it.

I looked up how to remove mold from clothes, and this is what I found. It's on eHow's "Instructions on how to do (just about) anything."

Mildew is mold - a living organism that thrives in warm, humid environments. If your clothes become mildewy, your best bet is to act right away. The longer it stays on the fabric, the more time mildew has to weaken or even rot your clothes.

Steps:
1. Take the mildewy clothing outside and brush off any loose mold growth. (You don't want those spores floating around your house.)

2. Leave fabric in the sun to dry out - heat and sun kill mildew.

3. Presoak remaining stains in cold water, then wash in hot water with detergent. Allow to dry in the sun.

4. If stains still persist, sponge the area with diluted chlorine bleach (use 2 tbsp. bleach to 1 qt. water). After about 10 minutes, rinse.

5. Launder as usual, rinse and allow to dry in the sun.

Too bad I looked this up after I sorted the clothes. In the house. In our bedroom. And I put a load in the washing machine. In lukewarm water. Stink. At least I know not to put it in the dryer yet.

It's also 7:30pm and the sun won't be out until tomorrow. If it comes out -- is it supposed to rain tomorrow? It's fall too, so heat is in short supply. Will the fall temps and sunshine be enough to kill it? What are the neighbors going to think? Should I even bother with the lingerie?

I'm the Luckiest

Today marks eight years of marriage for Scott and I. We have an ongoing argument since that day -- who is the luckiest? I am the clear winner -- definitely the luckiest -- but he refuses to concede defeat.

Today I want to thank God for providing me such a husband. He loves the Lord, loves me, and loves the kids. He works hard to provide for us, and is always willing to lend a hand with the kids and the work around the house.

I haven't been very easy on him at times. In fact, I've made it very tough to balance the demands of work with the demands I've put on him from home. Yet he's always handled that tension with grace and patience.

We have so much fun together but we can delve into deep serious topics with the same ease, even when we disagree. He loves me despite my perfectionism, grumpiness when I'm tired, and amazing ability to over-commit and over-extend myself and the family. He is one of the few people who can calm me down when I get upset, and is the only person I don't get tired of being around day after day. I look forward to his return from work every day and enjoy his company no matter what we're doing, whether it's working in the yard, driving to visit family, preparing music for church, enjoying a concert, cleaning up for company, renting a movie, or just lounging on the couch and reading books in the quiet.

So, here's to eight years of growth and growing love for each other and our God. And here's to eighty more. (Well, maybe not eighty. I don't want to be here that long!)

I love you, Scott!

Up On the Soapbox Again

I enjoy reading the blogs of a couple doctors-in-training. I'm playing catch-up this week since I missed two weeks of posts.

Today, I found a real gem on vaccines from my favorite resident up in Canada. (By the way, don't ever get sick up there -- the medical system is a wreck.) She's rather blunt (kinda like me) and got really fired up in this one, but that's all the apology I'm going to make. So go read her post, Just Do It, and then show your kids how much you love them. Just. Do. It. As the mother of a medically-fragile child, I do whatever I can to prevent as much illness and trauma as I can. Vaccinations are one small way to protect their health and their bodies from damage.

We're Back!

Be afraid. Be very afraid.












Ever wonder why parents tell their toddlers "Don't run"? This is why. It looks worse in person, and it swelled up so fast upon impact that both mom and dad were very alarmed.

(Incidentally, this collision between toddler and church pew corner occurred in the identical place on the forehead as two previous collisions.)

Special note: I wrote some entries last week and saved them in Word. I'm going to post-date them, so scroll down to read them as if they were uploaded real-time.

Something is wrong with me

I am exhausted, far more irritable than normal, and am losing my cool over little things. I suppose if I think I might be crazy that shows some degree of sanity and non-craziness. I mean, when I go ballistic over bowel movement on someone’s hands who is still unable to really wipe themselves and scrub their hands within an inch of their lives and frantically wipe down the entire bathroom and count this one of the worst moments of that day, I really question my sanity.

We have no home phone, no internet, and no television, and it’s been this way since Saturday morning when we unhooked everything at the old house. So I’ve been going to bed earlier than usual without my favorite evening shows to keep me up. I’m not letting myself think about all the premiers I’ve missed this week. Life goes on and I am sure I can see the episodes during reruns.

I’m completely worn out all except about 4 hours each day, despite the early bedtimes. When I wake up, I usually feel decent for about half an hour. Then I descend rapidly into sleep-deprived witch-woman. Breakfast and getting the day going has been horrible every day this week, and it’s totally because I can’t stand the screaming and bickering and general neediness of the kids at that hour of the day. (For all you baby-hounds out there, I know for a fact that I’m not pregnant. So banish that thought from your heads.)

I don’t feel much better after the kid or kids get to school, but I’ve been at my most functional from about 10-noon. Once I get lunch and everyone settles down for naps in the afternoon, I’ve crashed myself. For all of 10 minutes. I haven’t gotten a real nap any of these days.

Today has been the first improvement all week, (However, it was also the scene of the aforementioned poop meltdown.) I did get a crockpot full of chili going in the morning, ran some errands (had to return some things), and picked up some really nice coffee at the store. Once I got the kids in bed and the rest of the groceries put away, I ground the beans, perked a mug-full of “Maisonnette blend,” and sat on the recliner by the open window with the October Living magazine for 45 minutes.

Then I plowed through about 10 boxes and got almost all of our books put away. We can actually enter the dining room. And I finally located the digital cameras.

See? I really got a lot done!

Where is ____?

Where is the hardware for Elli’s bed? We stored all the pieces in a ziplock bag and clearly labeled them, but the bag has hibernated in an as-yet undisclosed den. I would like to find that den and join in the hibernation as I seem unable to get enough sleep this week. I went to bed before 10pm last night and took a power nap today. Yet the fatigue burns on behind my eyes. Or is that sensation actually my annual bout of hayfever? Or the cold I’m still holding at bay with Echinacea and zinc?

Where is Sam’s puppy? (After one night without his security item, we did successfully locate the precious aqua pooch.)

Where is the staple gun? I used it to repair a bathroom storage cabinet that we left at the old house. Haven’t seen it since.

Where are Elli’s pull-ups? After sniffing out every last spare pullup in the house and still not successfully locating the real supply, I finally had more delivered to the house.

Where is my digital camera? It is NOT packed with the computers. It is NOT packed with the office supplies. It is NOT packed in my work bag. I do NOT have pictures to share of the move or the trip we made with the kids to see Thomas the Train or the trip we made to the amusement park to get freebies from Scott’s company.

Where is the phone company? And why, in this digital age, can they not pull my old phone number over, point, click, wah-lah… dial tone at our house?

Where is my patience? The kids are bickering as bad as ever even though they have more than double the space to spread out in. And Sam begins every sentence with, “Hey mom?” And Anna senses when I’m busy with her sister or most pressed for time and chooses that exact moment to demand a hug or one-on-one time or at least a seat on my lap.

Why am I not in bed?

September 20

That's the day we get internet hooked up at the new house. Parting is such sad sorrow, but I will return to you that evening if all goes well. I am sure I will go through internet and email withdrawal, but I certainly will have plenty to do with all my extra time.

Today went really well - we got quite a lot moved and unpacked and ready to go. I'm so excited - I still have room in the kitchen, and the only things I don't have in it are in the storage unit! I also have, count them, SEVEN drawers in that kitchen. I cannot tell you how exciting this is. We also have drawers in each bathroom.

Tomorrow we move mostly big furniture, with a smattering of boxes we simply couldn't pack til tonight after all the kids went to bed. I am really optimistic that we can be done with this house tomorrow evening.

The old house suddenly doesn't feel like home anymore. And it feels really small this last night here. What a blessing we've been given in this new house.

See you in a week!

Tasks for Friday

- Get Elli on the bus for school (if she's well enough to go).
- Drop Sam off at preschool.
- Buy a dehumidifier for the basement.
- Call and schedule DirecTV installation for next week.
- Buy dishwasher soap. Yay!
- Go to the groundbreaking for the new children's hospital being built nearby.
- Finish packing the kitchen (pots, pans, plastic food storage containers, bowls).
- Move all kitchen and pantry items to the new house.
- Call Brooke. (Sorry! You can come by any time you know!)
- Unpack and organize the new kitchen and pantry.
- Pick Sam up from preschool.
- Figure out something for lunch.
- Pack needed items for Sam and Anna to spend the afternoon with friends.
- Move all remaining boxes from the old house to the new house.
- Pack remaining items in boxes, or just move them straight over (sewing/craft items, office items, miscellaneous stuff).
- Move hanging and other closet items to the new house.
- Play with the new garage door openers and keypad entry system. (No more loading and unloading kids in the pouring rain or scraping ice!!!!)
- Eat dinner.
- Figure out who is sleeping where now that Sam is adamant that he sleep with the girls, not in his own room. Consider praying for and trying for a baby boy so we can have a "boys' bedroom" and a "girls' bedroom." Concede insanity, pack my bags, and move into a padded room voluntarily.
- Crash at a decent hour so we're ready for the BIG MOVE Saturday.

Sold!

It's official! Our house closed last night, the sign came down, and the lock box is off the front door. It feels a little odd to be living in a house that isn't ours, and a little odd that this house, where we've got so many memories, isn't ours any more. I've lived here longer than any house since I was a child (I don't count the four years I officially lived with my parents but physically resided in college dorms 9 months of each year).

However, I'm not so sentimental that I'm not very excited about moving into the new place, making new memories, and hopefully living there until we retire.

Meanwhile, life continues on its frenetic pace.

We close on the house we're buying today at 4:30. I ran errands this morning while Sam was at preschool, depositing big home-sale checks and scouting out the best deals on utilities (phone/wireless/internet/tv). Oh yeah. And procrastinating on packing.

I have two hours until Elli returns home, the younger two wake up from naps, and I have to leave with Scott to buy the new house. I had better go wash dishes, fold laundry, and pack while the gettin's good.

Three days til we have a dishwasher.

First Day of Preschool

Sam acts super-cool on this big day

He had no problem finding toys to play with in class

Out in front of the welcome sign

Sam found a hook and hung up his own backpack

So what is mommy doing with 2 1/2 hours of time with just one child? Paperwork, phone calls, errands, and packing for the move on Saturday. And wiping Anna's nose -- she came down with a cold last night. Lovely. The germ invasion has begun early this year.

The Pressure Is On

We close on the house we're selling on Tuesday, and on the house we're buying on Wednesday. We have to repair some concrete and remove some enormous bird nests from the gables before Tuesday.

We move on Saturday (9 days from today). I have many boxes packed, but many many more to do. It's hard to pack much ahead with so many of us living here.

Sam's birthday is 2 weeks away. I found out last night at orientation that I get to bring snacks each day to preschool that week and volunteer in his class on his birthday. That will be fun, but it could have occurred at a better time.

Sam's party, both with his friends and with our family (and adopted-as-family friends) is 3 weeks from tomorrow. I really hope the weather is good -- I want to have water balloons and keep the party exclusively outside. Easier clean-up -- just hose everyone off!

I started machine-quilting Sam's quilt last night. Even with a machine, it's still time-consuming. I didn't even get 1/8 of it done. Perhaps next week when he's at school? No, I'll be packing.

Elli started school two days ago and I still need to meet with her aides to give them Dynavox training and with the food service director to develop a comprehensive meal plan.

I also need to get Elli into power chair training and we start back into aquatic therapy on Wednesday. The good news here is that aquatics is every other week, and power chair will be for 4-6 weeks until she's ready to practice for awhile at school.

On the work front, I have a Family Advisory Council meeting to run on Monday, the 18th, and I have to prepare for a presentation at the obscenely-early hour of 7am on Friday, October 8th. We also need to prepare and submit an abstract for a paper to present at a conference next summer by October 27.

At church, I have a new music schedule due at the end of the month. And choir begins next week.

Funny -- I thought writing this all out would make me feel better.

It isn't working.

I'm going to bed.

First Day of School

Can you tell she's excited? She came home all smiles too, and has shown amazing energy for a girl who spent all day at school! I suspect a bus-ride nap. Doesn't really matter -- I'm just thrilled that she came home happy and that she already has some friends!

I met Elli at school today to help her aides learn to feed her lunch. The first day was pretty rocky for everyone, especially food service, so our plan didn't pan out as we had hoped. But she got her lunch at the usual time and did pretty well with it. I also got to see that one of her classmates from preschool is in her class this year, plus some other girls have adopted her as well. Hurray for friends on the first day!

Sketchy

With our move rapidly approaching (3 weekends away!), school starting for two of the kids, Sam's birthday project, and work ramping up for a couple big meetings, I don't expect to have a lot of time to post here for awhile.

The word for this week is "unpredictable." The two youngest have been on a mission to drive Scott and I to the brink of insanity, or further if they can manage it. They have mastered the art of irritating each other, so the screaming and fighting is near constant now. I'm sure the rain and clouds that have kept us inside is contributing to this. If I could send them outside to run around and use up that energy in more constructive ways, it would help a lot.

But getting them outside been impossible. We've had a lot of much-needed rain, but even when the rain stopped and we could have gone out, I had stuff I needed to do. I did take them to the indoor pool on Wednesday, which helped somewhat. Elli was sick Tuesday, so I was really busy caring for her that day, then Thursday we all traipsed down to Children's for a neuro follow-up, and today I go back for an EEG and sedated MRI. All these appointments this week are attempts to assess whether Elli is safe to wean off her seizure meds.

Today's appointments will take at least 4 hours because she has to have anesthesia for the MRI -- many kids aren't able to hold totally still for an hour-long scan, and she is no exception. I'm not thrilled about the anesthesia at all, which brings back unpleasant memories from previous scans -- I haven't changed much in this area! When she was an infant, I pretty much flipped out the day they asked me to sign the authorization forms for a general anesthesia for an MRI. She'd already had two open-heart surgeries and I was really unhappy about her having yet another general anesthesia for something as minor as a scan! They called in some of her doctors to explain it all to me again, and I did eventually agree to it. But I still hate it every time. Today should just be IV anesthesia -- I hope. But she has to fast for 8 hours prior, so I set my alarm and got up at 3:45am to give her a can of milk through her feeding tube. I'll probably have to give her water that way too -- she doesn't drink water for me.

Anna has become such a handful lately that Scott and I are finally in agreement -- at least this week -- that we are done having children. She has been getting into stuff really bad. Yesterday she opened up and dumped out on the kitchen floor a bottle of bath wash she dug out of our swimming bag. She's also enjoyed digging things out of my night stand -- things that are personal and should not see the light of day. Fortunately no-one has been around to see any of this stuff. In the few moments I've been typing here, she's gotten into all the power cords under the desk, pulled out handfuls of CD cases, and pounded on Scott's laptop.

Her latest thing is going on a sleep-strike. Two nights in a row she woke up early (5:15am and 2:30am respectively) and never went back to sleep -- she just cried and screamed in her bed. Needless to say, we were ALL cranky yesterday from lack of sleep. Scott and I decided that clearly she wasn't sick, and even if she was waking up hungry, we weren't about to start a midnight-snack precedent. It's just plain old-fashioned stubbornness on her part. So last night when she woke up crying at 5:15am again, I went in and gave her a hug (I do think she has nightmares, so I'm not totally heartless.). Then I told her that she needed to be quiet and go back to sleep and if she didn't, she would get a spanking. She went right back to sleep and didn't get up until 7:15.

Miraculously, despite all of this, I've gotten some packing done. I have most of the living room packed, and the linen closet is packed except for a handful of spare sheets and towels for us. Next I guess I'll tackle the bathrooms and utility area.