Cakes, Weird Dreams, and Job Offers

Here it is! I'm no professional, but it did impress the kids, and that's the whole point, after all! I had fun doing it - it's an idea I've wanted to try for a few years. The cake itself turned out to be more bread-like than cake-like. It fell in the middle. I'm not sure how or why that happened, but since Sam is only eating the frosting, Elli doesn't care as long as it has sugar in it (and is actually doing better with this consistency than she does with cake), and Scott claims it's fine, I guess I should stop worrying about it!

Here's the happy birthday girl! She had some help blowing out the candles, but she absolutely LOVES the Happy Birthday song. I can't believe she's 6 already.




-------

The other night I dreamed I went back to my alma mater and found my debate coach's office outside the new theater. I was soooo envious of the new building and all the perks the theater department now had. Then I learned what cool things the debate team was doing and I was really really envious. Even though her office was a hole in the wall. They were on the road every weekend going to really cool colleges and flying, not driving.

Then I woke up and realized most of that dream was true. I know my former debate coach has retired from coaching the team. And I know that if she still teaches at the school, her office isn't a hole in the wall outside the theater! But the team is travelling all over the country and placing first against schools like Wheaton at tournaments at places like the real Notre Dame in Indiana. I'm trying not to be totally envious. We once went to a tournament in Oklahoma and thought we were big stuff then. But we drove the 16 hours in a college van. And we drove our coach insane by the end of the trip. She never took us that far again!

And the theater department now has an awesome facility. The theater students have so many more opportunities now. They actually have student-directed productions every year and don't store costumes and props in 120-year-old cellars far below the earth's surface. I'll never forget crawling around in tunnels underneath the old auditorium in search of props for "The Diary of Anne Frank." It was kinda cool, but also a little spooky. I am happy for them and I'm so thrilled that students are getting recognition for these things to -- it was rather ignored back when I was there (sooo many years ago! hah). But I'm a little wistful, wishing I'd had those opportunities. Weird what an effect crazy dreams can have on me!

-------

I am considering a part-time job as Parent Coordinator of the Family Advisory Council at Children's. It would be 6-8 hours per week and would be promoting Family Centered Care (FCC) at the hospital, planning and running the monthly council meetings, and consulting with faculty and staff interested in FCC. It's sooo very tempting. But I'm trying to decide if I really have the time, and if I really want to spend 7-10 hours away from the kids each week (cuz you have to include the commute, which 45 minutes one way).

-------

It's gardening time!!! The weather is awesome and I have garden spring cleaning to do! I'm seeing bulb sprouts everywhere and need to free them to flourish. I also am planting irises along the side of the house, and probably a clump out in front. I'm still trying to decide where out front. I had fun window-shopping in my seed catalogs while everyone was sick last week. Now I have to narrow down my list (which probably totals more than $200) to a manageable amount to afford, to plant, and to maintain. Oh yeah - and if we are really going to sell this house next year (or possibly even this fall if I take that part-time job), what am I willing to leave behind?

Olympic Knitting Update

I made good progress on the sweater last night, but I will not complete the sweater by tonight's closing ceremonies. The left front is done and the right front is about half done. I like to think of myself as a Lindsay Kildow-style Olympian. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have been unable to compete to the level at which I had expected. But I'm still making an effort in a spirit of sportmanship. :)

I still have to finish the birthday socks for Elli, which has also taken away from a single-minded pursuit of Olympic gold. Ultimately, that's more important anyway.

I did get a chance to get out yesterday. I ran a bunch of errands and spent some of my birthday money. I splurged and got this ball of "Supersock" yarn for myself. I should have enough left over to make some socks for Sam too, since it's blue and green. I'm very excited about my new project. It's nice to vary the knitting a bit -- sometimes I'm just not in the mood for cables or for tiny needles. Variety is nice!

Not Quite Safe Yet...

I'm sure you thought that since I hadn't posted in 3 days I must have fallen severely ill with this stomach flu. Actually, so far and quite miraculously I do believe, I have been spared. I prayed that God would keep me from getting sick until Scott got home each day, and this time He did. I am not getting over-confident though. If I am still well Monday evening, then I'll start breathing - and eating - easier.

I haven't posted because our cable, which controls both our Internet access AND our phone, died Thursday night. In fact, it went out at 7:55pm, right before the women's free skate event came on! What a bummer. Scott rigged up an antenna so we could get every network but NBC, so no Olympics. But I think that lack of phone and Internet was the worst. I felt so isolated, stuck inside this house with sick kids and no way to contact anyone except with my cell phone (which has few minutes because it's really only for emergencies).

Elli had a really bad day Thursday. She was pretty much inconsolable all afternoon and evening, no matter what we did or what we put on TV. I finally just laid her in bed, figuring that eliminating all the stimuli would eventually help her settle down and rest. I think Anna's constant noises and poking around us really got on Elli's nerves. She woke up doing a bit better Friday morning, but was still really tired and cranky, so she missed two days of school. At this point, she's really cranky because she's bored, I think. That's too bad, because Monday is a teacher in-service, so she doesn't go back to school until Tuesday afternoon!

We did reschedule the family birthday celebration for next Saturday. That was another reason Elli has been upset. I'm not sure she really understands why all the grandparents aren't here this afternoon. I'm trying to scramble some stuff together so that we can at least make tomorrow (her actual birthday) special. I'm making a Cinderella cake (photos to come) and we'll give her our presents tomorrow.

Sam caught the bug Thursday night -- his panicked crying woke us up at midnight. He had no idea what was happening and was terrified. We got him and his bed cleaned up, calmed him down, and got him back to bed fairly quickly. He fell asleep on the couch Friday morning, a sure sign that he was sick.

It's so hard to ease a child back into food. They don't understand vomiting or taking it easy with food -- all they know is that they are hungry (or so they think) or thirsty. It has been tricky getting him to eat or drink only the right amounts of the right things. I messed it up once, giving him too much juice too soon. That came right back up, so we had to start over.

Then early this morning, after he did really well all day yesterday and even ate a little pizza for dinner, he came into our room. I could tell he didn't feel well. He laid in bed with us for about 30 minutes before he started heaving. There was nothing in his stomach, so we didn't have to run for the bathroom, but he was still really upset. Once it stopped, he slept for another 3 hours or so and had some toast for breakfast. So far today, he's doing well. But I won't be sure until we get through tonight.

Meanwhile, every twinge or hint of lightheadedness and I'm looking for the nearest plastic bag just in case. I'm eating very little, so most of it is hunger I think. Scott thinks I'm immune since I haven't caught it yet. But neither has Anna, and she has way less immunity than I do! So I'm going to continue eating cautiously and going to bed early.

Well, OK, so I'm not going to bed early. Last night we went to bed as soon as the kids went down, but we didn't go to sleep. We watched "Ocean's Twelve" on Scott's laptop and I knitted. Tonight we rented "North Country" and I've been working hard on the socks for Elli. Now it's 12:30 in the morning!

OK, I really do need to go to bed now! I guess I'll frost that Cinderella cake in the morning!

Two Bright Spots in My Otherwise Doomed Day

These cheery faces greeted me this morning when I went out to explain to Elli's bus driver why she wasn't going to school today. I just had to take a picture because it was so nice to breathe fresh air and see a flower today.

On my way back inside, I grabbed the mail. Hurray! A birthday card from my in-laws with a check! I'm going shopping! I already know I want to get some yarn to make myself a pair of socks. And I think I'm going to use the rest on my garden -- special seeds or bulbs that you can only get through catalogs or plants and soil for my outdoor pots.

I can't wait to go yarn shopping, but that probably won't happen until next week. I guess I'll just have to satisfy this money burning a hole in my pocket with the 5 seed catalogs I have dog-eared and marked up.

Elli spiked a fever mid-morning. So I gave her some sips of water in lieu of lunch, and attempted to give her some ibuprofen for her fever. That put her over the edge. She threw up and then promptly fell asleep. Poor girl is cashed out on our couch with fever-red cheeks and pale skin. She didn't even wake up when I lifted her up to change the sheet under her for a clean one. Guess I better wait awhile before I try the ibuprofen again, even though she's burning up.

Which Bennett will fall next?

I'm Doomed

So much for my food poisoning theory. My sister has been staying here this week because she had a couple job interviews near us. Last night she came down with Scott's 24-hour stomach flu. It's exactly the same thing. We're really hoping that it's genuinely 24 hours so that she's feeling better tonight and able to go on her retreat this weekend (they leave tomorrow morning at 9am).

This morning Elli refused to eat her usual breakfast. She urped some of the stuff she was willing to drink. It wasn't a full vomit, but she's definitely not feeling herself.

Anna isn't happy either, though she may have a cold, not the flu. Or teething pain. She also has a bad diaper rash. Poor girl -- she has many reasons to be miserable today!

I'm surrounded by germs, and am pretty much figuring that it will hit me within the next 24 hour-36 hours. Scott went out this morning and bought a 12-pack of Sprite. It seems the beverage of choice for those recovering from this thing.

I'm going to reschedule Elli's birthday party for next weekend so we don't share the love with our entire extended family. I figure that even if I'm hit with this tonight, I won't be able to get ready for a party even though I would be feeling better by Friday evening. Plus, I have no idea how this is spreading or how long a person is contagious. We made the mistake 2 Christmases ago of travelling too soon after we all had the stomach flu and ended up giving it to everyone staying where we were. I vowed never again to repeat that mistake.

So now I'm trying to decide what food to serve everyone today. Basically it boils down to one question: What is the least objectionable thing to see a second time?

Birthday Weekend Extravaganza

I'm back! We had a great weekend getaway. It was a much-needed rest for me, and now that we're home, Elli is sleeping better at night. Which means I am too!

I now am the proud owner of two knitting books! I got Ann Budd's "Knitter's Handy Book of Sweater Patterns" and "Knitter's Handy Book of Patterns" (the latter has hats, mittens, scarves, socks -- smaller items). I also received a really good pair of fabric scissors, a new pair of khaki pants (with stain resistor -- hurray!), jeans (which are now my favorite pair), a peach button-down shirt that I love, two hand-made bracelets - one pink and silver and one purple and silver - both beautiful, and a framed 8x10 sepia-tone photo of Sam when he was 1 1/2. I am starting a collection of great photos of the kids like this on our family room wall. So Sam joins one of my favorite photos of Elli.

My parents made my favorite dinner on Saturday - steak and Bernaise sauce. And the kids helped make a cat cake for me, which they loved. I actually had this same cake when I turned 3, so we showed the kids pictures of mommy at age 3 with her cat cake. I'm not sure they really understood, but it was fun. Then Sunday Scott and I took off for a bed and breakfast. It was SUCH a nice getaway. I loved spending time with Scott, getting a nap, sleeping all night, and just sitting around reading and knitting. Boy do I sound old and boring!

The only bummer was that Scott came down with some nasty stomach bug or food poisoning on the drive back home Monday night. He barely slept a wink that night (which means I didn't sleep well either) and spent the day sleeping. He was much better by last night, and so far everyone else is fine too.

I got to go to a class at a local university last night with a friend. Her brother teaches it - it's a human development class for teaching students. He asked us to come share what the schools can do for parents of special needs kids. I had a great time -- the students were great, asked great questions, and were genuinely interested in the subject. We grabbed dinner before we went over, which was fun. I didn't have to share my food with anyone, and our conversation wasn't punctuated by comments like "Anna, stop rocking!" or "Sam, you need to ask the right way" or "You need to eat what's on your plate before you can have dessert!"

In other news, I'm woefully behind in my knitting. I have a birthday present for Elli that I MUST finish by Saturday. I discovered on Monday that I had knitted 17 rows incorrectly. I have ripped it out and am not-quite-halfway back through those 17 rows. Needless to say, the sweater I'm supposed to finish by Sunday's Closing Ceremonies has taken a back seat. Oh well! It's supposed to be fun, right?! Life has intervened, and that's fine. I'll finish it when I finish it.

Rain on My Pity Party

This has been a bad week. Especially yesterday and today. I've been really struggling. It's been a grueling almost-3-weeks since the first signs of illness in our family, and I think I've only had 2 or 3 good night's sleep in that whole time. Combine that with the monthly hormonal fluctuations that are part of being a woman and life hasn't been pretty here in at the Soapbox. Following my mom's advice to us as kids -- "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it" -- I haven't posted much this week.

This morning I think I was actually wallowing in my pitifulness. I spent my entire shower composing blog entries about how I thought I was actually going crazy (there's a kind of insanity that germinates within sleep deprivation) and trying to creatively describe the misery that has been my existence this week.

Then I took some time to read my Bible. I'm in 2 Chronicles, so it isn't easy to apply what I'm reading. But somehow, by spending that time focusing away from myself, I began to realize what's been going on with me.

I've been worshipping at the altar of myself.

All I can think about is how I feel and what I want and how horrible these people (my family) are who keep making demands of me and what would I give to just run away from it all or curl up in bed and disappear.

I've felt intense physical reactions to the needs of my family -- a fist-clenching chest-tightening rage at being asked to stop what I'm doing to serve someone else, or a desperate light-headed panic at having one more thing go wrong, or a crushing black-cloud depression of fatigue that traps every thought in glue.

Pretty ugly, isn't it?

Then, this afternoon my husband called to pass along some tragic news. One of his coworkers and his wife lost a baby today. I had met them a couple years ago, and we were asked to contact them a couple days ago because their newborn baby had heart problems. We learned this afternoon that the baby didn't make it.

We've come about as close as you can get to this without actually losing a child. Sometime I'll write more about it. But the spectre of death lurks perpetually in the darkest corners of my mind, even now, almost 6 years since our oldest daughter was born with severe heart defects. I know a teeny fraction of the experience they are in right now. I'm so grieved for their loss. And I'm so sickened by my own thoughts and behavior over the past several days.

God has blessed us far beyond our wildest dreams. But I've treated those blessings as curses.

I know that a big factor in this is my physical state. My cold from last week is morphing into a sinus infection. I'm not getting enough sleep, and haven't for a few weeks. So I'm physically run down in many ways.

Another big factor is the physical state of my children -- they are not sleeping well either. They are much more needy and much more prone to melt-downs.

But I can't blame my sinful reactions on these circumstances. In the end, I am responsible for how I respond and I do have a choice. I can pray for God's grace to continue to love my family sacrificially, or I put myself first and lash out because my needs aren't being met.

I need to take care of myself, yes. But every time I read in Scripture about how we are to love one another, it's a sacrificial, others-first kind of love. Sometimes serving my family isn't convenient. Sometimes it isn't what I feel like doing. Sometimes -- oh the horror -- I have to lay aside the knitting, the book, the meal, the nap, the blog entry, the music for church, the thing that I want to do so much. In doing so, I tangibly demonstrate in a very small way Christ's love-even-unto-death-on-a-cross to my family.

So. What am I going to do today? I made myself a doctor's appointment for first thing tomorrow morning. I took a nap this afternoon. And now I need to bless my family with clean dishes, a clean house, a warm meal, and a mommy/wife who is choosing to be joyful and not wallow in her pity party. Because God sacrificed much more for me.

We Have A Winner!

Congratulations to Brooke, who correctly identified a mistake in the seed stitch down the left side of my knitting (highlighted area). So Brooke - what kind of cookies do you want?

I would like to fix this now that everyone knows about it. I'm trying to decide if I'm brave enough to try dropping the stitches down to the mistake, fixing it, and trying to pull them back up to the needles. I'm not exactly sure how that would work, but it's starting to bug me enough to make an attempt.

But that will have to wait. I have two kids who are adamantly refusing to nap, and have continued to do so for the past 2 hours. Seriously. Anna has alternately laughed at Sam, thusly keeping them both awake, and screamed bloody murder when I moved her into a pack'n'play in another room, thusly soaking the fitted sheet, and back again. Sam has alternately made Anna laugh, snuck out of his room to see what we're doing, bawled his eyes out when sent back to his room to sleep, and played with toys instead of sleeping. My bag of tricks is empty and I'm at my wits end. I actually went out to the front of my house and sat in the freezing cold just to get away from the screaming for a few minutes. Because of course Elli had to join in the chorus when her Veggie Tales video ended and she knew she was at the end of her video time for the day.

This is all made worse because I have felt motion-sick all day. No idea why that is, but it gives me a queasy stomach and a weird head/eye ache. Nothing sounds good to eat.... though I did manage to enjoy some of the yummy chocolates my Valentine left for me this morning. Those were quite tasty. But coming up with something appetizing for dinner is proving to be a challenge! Especially since I had great plans for a romantic Valentine's Day dinner and some special dessert for Scott. The whole nap fiasco torched those ideas.

A Mixed Bag

Today has been a mixed bag. And it's only half done! I guess that means I still have time to do better and make it a mostly good day.

Elli's progress has been slow but steady. She has gradually started eating more, though she's really picky about what she eats right now. She doesn't want to drink much, yet she doesn't want me to use her feeding tube (more on that later). She was really excited to get out of the house Saturday evening and then complained the whole time we were gone. (The church does a Parents' Night Out once a year around Valentine's Day. People volunteer to watch kids there for 3 hours so parents have an evening together.) I think she was just too tired to enjoy all the chaos and commotion involved with entertaining and feeding 12 kids aged 10 months to 12 years! So we kept her home from church yesterday, thinking we'd better give her one more quiet day to rest before trying school today.

This morning I actually managed to get all four of us dressed, fed, and out the door to a doctor's appointment at 9am! We were a few minutes late, but we made it. Elli's doctor was very happy with how she looked. He could still hear crackles in her left lung, but he said that was actually a sign of progress. Apparently, early on in pneumonia, people tend to get dehydrated. Their bodies can't generate much pus at this time, so the mucus in the lungs is really sticky and thick. As the medicine starts to work and they start feeling well enough to take in more fluids, the body has fluids to work with and the mucus gets much thinner and more runny. Even though the quantity goes up, this thinner stuff is easier to cough up and expel. He cleared her to go back to school.

Since we were already out and in the car, I decided to drive down to Children's and finally get Elli's new eyeglass lenses. They've been in for weeks, but then everyone got sick and I haven't had a chance to pick them up. The kids did great for this, and we even had a few minutes to go to the Family Resource Center and visit the staff there. They LOVE Sam since we spent 3 days a week there when he was a baby and Elli was in the Perlman Center's preschool program. They were so amazed at how tall he is and how well he's talking. They also couldn't believe how big Anna is, how into the doctor's kit she was, and how much like Sam she appears. Elli was unimpressed by the whole thing because I forgot to pack her milk and she was thirsty.

We got home just in time to get Elli some lunch. She wanted yogurt, so in between bites, I worked on her Valentines for school. We were supposed to send them in last week, no later than Wednesday. I hope the teacher and/or assistant find them and still have time to pass them out tomorrow at the party! I went to a lot of trouble to get them ready!

Sam decided that he wanted yogurt too, but I only got enough for Elli so I told him no. He burst into tears (highly unusual for Sam). A few minutes later, I heard him say he needed a spoon. The little stinker had managed to open the foil lid on a yogurt and was using his thumb to dip bites for himself! He got disciplined for that, precipitating more tears and begging to be held. Anna started bawling because I left her line of sight. I told Sam we would have to cuddle after I got Elli on the bus.

I had been doing well on time until the whole yogurt thing. Then the bus arrived 5 minutes early! The driver called to see if Elli was coming, and I told her I had a bit of a catastrophe on my hands, but yes. She said not to rush.

That was good, because as soon as I got the feeding tube out to give Elli some milk really quick, she started whining and complaining too! Now I had all three going at once and I was really feeling the burn. Elli was upset because she had eaten too slowly to have time to drink her milk. I knew she needed a drink, so I did the tube, which she did NOT want. I got 2 ounces into her (it went SLOWLY because she was crying the whole time) before she got her finger hooked on the tube and pulled the thing out. Milk poured everywhere.

That was the last straw. I have to admit - I lost control. I pounded my leg in frustration and berated Elli for making a huge mess of her clothes when the bus driver was outside at that very moment waiting on us. I had to finish getting the milk into her, take her out of her chair, take off her shoes so I could get her pants off, change her pants and shirt, put her shoes back on, and get her back in her chair. Then I had to do all the usual stuff - coat, backpack, Dynavox. She was upset about the whole thing, but I tried to calm down and explain to her that sometimes she can't do things the way she wants to! I'm not sure how she is going to do at school today, but they haven't called me to pick her up early.

When I got back in, Sam said, "Mommy what's wrong?" I told him that he had disobeyed me and then Elli had made a mess. But I also had to humble myself and talk to him about how mommy was wrong to yell like she did. Even though it was horribly stressful for me, getting angry and upset was the wrong reaction.

I hope that seeing me fail at things doesn't give the kids excuses to sin the same way. I hope that if I keep going back to them, explaining what I did wrong, and asking them for forgiveness that they will see that not only am I a sinner too, but I know I am. I don't want to be a Pharisee and a hypocrite to them. They will see right through that. I hope they will see that we all need Jesus to pay the penalty for our sins so that we can be right with God. And I hope that by going back to them and talking about it, it will help me to think before I fly off the handle in the future so that it happens less and less.

Olympic Knitting Update

This weekend I got to kick off the Olympics with two friends from college. They are sort of knitting role models for me. Brenda came up from Tennessee for the weekend, and the three of us had dinner and knitted on Friday evening. In fact, it was sort of a combined birthday celebration/Olympic knitting/reunion party. (Brenda and I have birthdays about a month apart.)

Sam came with me to meet them Saturday at the store where Brooke teaches knitting. He had fun playing with "mommy's friends" and looking at all the cool fabrics (it's a yarn and fabric store). He also helped wind one of Brenda's yarn hanks into a ball. He had so much fun with this that he wanted mommy to buy him some "Thomas the Train blue" yarn so we could wind it into a ball for him to have at home! Then we had lunch at Sam's favorite restaurant - McDonalds - which was made better because mommy's friends came too. Then they braved the germs at our house to meet the kids and do some more knitting. It was a great weekend, even though I was hopped up on Claritin-D and coffee. I couldn't go anywhere without a wad of tissues in my pocket, purse, and diaper/knitting bag.

I chose to do Trellis. This is the front left side of the sweater, and is about half of the way done. I'm half-way through the second repeat, and once I finish that, I start shaping the arm-hole and neck. The band on the left side is the center, where the buttons will go. I'm pretty happy with how this is turning out, and with how fast it is going. I have five pieces to knit altogether - this front left, the front right side, the back, and two sleeves. Then I have to put it together.

I did find one small mistake already. I have decided to leave it, mostly because by the time I found it, I had knitted past it a ways and didn't want to rip back. The cables take awhile to do! Plus I don't think it's easy to see.

Hmmm. This could be a good contest.

My First Contest

See if you can find the mistake in the above half of a sweater. Post your response in comments.

The first person wins.... hmmm....

How about a batch of freshly-baked cookies? I'll even mail them if you happen to live beyond a 20-mile radius of me! Your choice - chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, or cherry cordial.

Here's hoping there's only one mistake on this piece!

I Guess It Was Inevitable

I have finally succumbed to the germ invasion. My nose is running, I'm sneezing, and I'm starting to feel yucky. Well, perhaps that last part is just a result of being up at least once a night for the last 2 weeks straight. Regardless, I'm definitely sick. It isn't horrible yet, and I'm really hoping that a steady stream of orange juice and zinc will keep this illness mild.

Meanwhile I'm doing laundry like a mad woman and cleaning the house in case I fall seriously ill and other people have to come over and help. I'd hate for the place to actually look like people have been sick for two weeks and I've done little but care for them. Plus I kept tripping on the toys Anna keeps tossing and dragging around. Imagine - a fracture on top of a cold! NOT what I need right now.

Elli had a rough night. In fact, I called Urgent Care, they called the pediatrician on call, and while I waited for a call back, I packed for the hospital. I was that sure that we were going in. But the ped on call is one who knows us and said that he was ok with us staying home as long as things stayed where they were. Not being a big fan of the ER at any time of the day but especially at 1 in the morning, I gladly stayed home. I set my alarm and checked on her twice in the night. Both times she was the same as when I called, so I happily fell back into bed. I'm still packed for an overnight though. I figure as long as I'm prepared to go, I won't have to (see my version of Murphy's Law).

A nurse from our doctor's office actually called us this morning to see how Elli did. I thought that was really nice of them and showed great initiative. She wants me to call in this afternoon with an update. I think the peds want to give the antibiotics some time to work before they decide if Elli needs oxygen and IV antibiotics.

It does seem like the antibiotics might be working. Since this morning, Elli's oxygen saturations have S L O W L Y risen from 90-92 up to 92-94. I did about 15 minutes of chest physiotherapy or CPT -- it's a way to help loosen the mucus in the lungs so the sick person can cough it up. She really seemed to enjoy that. Then she took a 2-hour nap. That's a dead giveaway that she's really sick. Elli only sleeps 20 minutes at a time, at the most, when she's healthy. She never has taken more than a 30-minute nap, even as a baby, unless she was sick.

Hopefully all this sleep is a sign that her body is taking all her energy to fight this infection and, with some help from our good buddy amoxicillin, is winning. And hopefully I'll be able to get enough to rest to fight my own bug. After all, the Olympics starts tomorrow! I would hate to be handicapped by a silly little cold in my quest for the knitting gold medal. OK, so it's a button signifying I completed my event. Same diff!

It Is Pneumonia

Just a quickie update before I hit chuck-wagon duty. I took Elli to the doctor today since she wasn't better. They did chest x-rays and found pneumonia in her left lung. We can't do injections because of one of her meds, so we're going to try oral antibiotics and see if she improves on those. If not, we'll have to admit her to the hospital so she can get IV antibiotics.

Sam is doing well - just has a bit of a cough left.

So far Scott and I are symptom-free.

Anna is clingy, but almost totally better.

It's been quite tricky at times, juggling the needs of three sick kids! Thankfully my generous and selfless sister has stayed with us for a couple or three nights and helped me a LOT. She watched the kids while I took Elli to the doctor and washed piles of dishes for me. THANK YOU!

The Great Debate

Which Sweater To Knit?

I'm having a tough time deciding which baby sweater to make. I know who I'm making this for -- an almost-4-month-old girl. I want to take on a challenge, but I don't want this to be impossible to complete during the Olympics, either. That's the whole point of this Knitting Olympic Challenge, after all!

So here are a couple links to patterns I like. They are all free patterns found online. The first two are my favorite.

Cutie Patootie
I know I could do this one within the time constraints - well, reasonably sure anyway, having never knit a sweater before! This pattern says it's intermediate. Another perk is that this one has sizes and measurements for babies the size of the one I'm knitting for. The body is plain stockinette stitch with crocheted-on edging. Not so sure about that - perhaps it doesn't qualify for a Knitting Olympic event? I like the edging - it looks a bit lacy. I'd love to try a lacy-ish pattern.

Trellis
I'm itching to try cabling. This too is considered intermediate (I think - this website has goofy names for their difficulty levels). It has a 6-month size, which would work. I believe it will be more difficult, or slower at least, than the above pattern because it has cables and seed-stitch borders throughout - back, front, sleeves... But it wouldn't be boring and would definitely be a challenge. Perhaps too much of one?

Baby Ensemble
This one is really hard to visualize because the photo is crummy. The model is a rather scary doll. But the idea of mock cabling is attractive - sounds easier than real cabling and might be a better starting point. However, reading the directions I'm totally lost. Partly because I have no idea what "psso" means. Oh wait. I just found this website's list of abbreviations and told it to print - holy cow. It's 9 pages long! Yikes! This might be a good challenge too. I think the sweater has squares of pattern divided by little edges. Might be really cool, especially color-blocked in different colors.

Hmmm....

When To Take Elli to the Doctor/ER?

Ok, so this is a debate on a much higher level. However, having now spoken with Elli's pediatrician, I'm feeling reassured in my decisions so far.

We currently have a lovely virus swirling about the halls of this house. Anna is about done with hers - she ended up with a double ear-infection and is still draining quite a bit. We left her antibiotic at my in-laws' house over the weekend and had to pay full-price to replace the meds - about $40. Ouch. Unfortunately, insurance wouldn't pay to replace her "lost" meds.

Anyway, Elli is now deep in the throes of this virus as well. She is congested and plagued by a persistent cough. We have just about everything we could possibly need to care of her here... except oxygen. We have a nebulizer which delivers medicine in a mist for her to breathe into her lungs. We have two kinds to give her, each doing a different thing. We have just about every kind of pediatric cold medicine known to man in every combination. We have a pulse oximeter, which measures the percentage of oxygen in a person's blood.

Fortunately, Elli hasn't been sick enough to need the pulse oximeter in over a year. Until early this morning, that is. I woke up about 3:15am to hear her coughing really badly. I got up and started a breathing treatment through the nebulizer. She immediately calmed down and the cough got much better. The treatment takes about 20 minutes, so while that was going, I got more night-time sleepy medicine. That way it would be fully on-board by the time the breathing treatment was done and she'd hopefully get back to sleep quickly. She seemed especially bad to me, so I dug out the pulse oximeter and tried to get a reading.

To get an accurate reading on a pulse oximeter, the patient needs to be really still. This is very difficult for Elli due to her brain injury. So I had a really difficult time getting a reading -- got numbers everywhere from 84% to 92%. None of these numbers is good. A healthy, average person is between 98-100%. Based on the way it was not able to get a good pulse rate on her for more than a second or two, I didn't believe the really low numbers. Plus, the color of her skin didn't bear out a really low reading -- she was still pink.

So I decided to leave the sensor on her foot and come back after she fell asleep to try to get a reading when she was still. But I stood there at her bedside, watching her and debating a phone call to the hospital for quite a while. I didn't want to take her to the ER if all they would do is what I could do more easily and comfortably here at home (and way more cheaply). I prefer to go to that extreme only when I'm reasonably certain she's going to be admitted. My gut said that while she was definitely sick, the breathing treatments were doing what they were supposed to, she wasn't struggling for breath, her color was still good, and a night of sleep would do both of us more good than a vain trip to the ER.

So, I went back to bed.

This morning her levels were definitely lower than they should have been -- 89-92%. A breathing treatment brought it up slowly to between 94 and 96%, which made me feel MUCH better. I couldn't remember exactly where her doctors get nervous though. I searched all over for this sheet containing the "rule of two" from her pulmonary doctors and the phone number to call if we met that rule. I could NOT find it, which was a real bummer because I had a feeling it had a direct-line number to a nurse who could answer my questions. I tried the general number around 8:45am, and as of noon today, I still haven't heard back from them!

So after waiting for an hour, I decided to call the pediatrician. I knew the doctor himself, not a nurse or a physician's assistant, would call me back since it was about Elli and he knows us pretty well. Sure enough, about 10 minutes later he was on the phone. I explained what I was seeing and he said that as long as she stays above 92% and isn't wheezing when she breathes, she's ok to stay home. He wants to see her and x-ray her lungs if she doesn't improve with the treatments, starts labored breathing, or her level drops below 92%. He also thinks that today will be the key day for her -- she'll either start improving or she'll get progressively worse. Either way, she'll not stay on the borderline for long.

Meanwhile, Sam is still not doing too bad. He has a fever, a barking cough (which is his trademark cough), and a bit of a runny nose. He's well enough to race around the house, yet he's not great - he really wants some mommy cuddle time. I'm still symptom-free. And I'm feeling fine with all this so far.

It probably helps that Scott and I got to have dinner out last night! He got a really nice gift card from work a couple weeks ago -- it's one of those credit cards with cash on it so you can use it anywhere. We went to one of our new favorite restaurants -- Rafferty's -- and I have leftovers for lunch! I'm so excited - Black'n'bleu Steak with garlic mashed potatoes.

PLUS we'll be going out again Saturday - our church is having a Parents' Night Out and providing free babysitting.

PLUS the next weekend is my birthday weekend and we're going to visit my parents and we're leaving the kids with them overnight so we can have a night at our favorite bed & breakfast and dinner at our favorite restaurant there. The Brick House has THE BEST French onion soup I've ever had. So February is turning out to be quite a great month for us, in spite of the viral invasion!

Always ALWAYS Have a Plan B

Our van has been leaking antifreeze for several weeks, with increasing intensity. We finally took it to a local repair shop (one recommended by several coworkers of Scott's) and asked them what it would take to fix it.

They came back saying that it would take at least $700 to replace some leaking gaskets on the engine.

Scott immediately said, "I don't think so!"

His dad is a mechanic and we decided to take the van to him. We had only one free weekend before a planned road trip to Indiana. That was this weekend. Scott's brother had already planned to bring his car up to work on. So we knew that Scott would have to do the bulk of the work.

We planned to leave as early as we could on Friday so he could start tearing it down that night. We had to return home Saturday night because of multiple commitments on Sunday.

I began to get this really uneasy feeling about the whole thing. Finally I decided that I needed to arrange for people to cover our responsibilities in case things went wrong. Having tackled a few projects around the house and seen first-hand how things always take longer than you think and things always go wrong, I knew there was a good chance the van wouldn't be done in time for us to get home Saturday.

I spent most of the morning Friday emailing, calling, and preparing everything for Sunday (we usually do this together on Saturday). This was on top of packing the entire family up for an overnight. An overnight that might be a weekend.

We dropped everything off on our way out of town. It was a big relief knowing that we didn't have to do anything when we got home.

Scott and his dad hit the van disassembly hard Friday night - they spent about 2 1/2 hours on it. I went over Saturday morning for a few hours so I could actually spend some time with Scott. Things were going well at that point. The guys came home for lunch and then headed back. I stayed with the kids and took a nap. The guys knew that we were having dinner at 6pm.

By 6:30, there was no sign of the guys. We fed the kids and kept talking about how they must be almost done or they'd have stopped to eat. Finally, about 7pm, Scott's brother called and said that they'd "hit a stump" on the van and might not be coming for dinner at all. He was done and came home to grab a bite and head back to his house. Turns out, during the process of putting everything back together, they had dropped a switch down into the engine and covered it up. It took them 2 hours to take things apart, find the switch, and put it all back together.

Meanwhile, the weather forecast was getting worse and worse. Our home was in an area of a winter storm slated to get "wintry mix." This phrase is very bad news for travellers. It means ice. So now I knew that not only would we get a late start back home, but the drive would take at least twice as long because of the poor road conditions.

So I launched Plan B. It was easy - sent an email out. Scott made two phone calls when he finally got back after 10pm. The van was done, but he was totally exhausted from working 12 hours straight in the cold.

We went to bed before 11pm.

Elli woke up coughing at 1am. By 2:30am, I realized she wasn't going back to sleep. I got her up so she wouldn't keep disrupting the other two kids. Around 4am, Scott and his mom came out and took over for me. Elli didn't get back to sleep until 5:30. She was miserable and began running a fever that morning. Sam woke up coughing like a seal. We were SOOOOO glad that we hadn't tried to drive home that night.

Oh. How much did we save having Scott and his dad do the car repair? Our total bill was $225, and that included new spark plugs and an oil change and filter. So we saved over $500. Have I got THE BEST husband or what?!? (Oh yeah, and a great father-in-law... he worked as hard as Scott and provided the tools, covered semi-heated workshop, and brain power. He actually said, "Don't you DARE spend $700 on that!" when we told him what the repair shop said.)

So that was my weekend. I do believe that the winter sick season has begun in our family. I'm taking my zinc, washing my hands so much they are dry and cracking, and doing my best to avoid the germs flying about the house. Now I better go to bed since Sam is probably going to wake up in the night with a bad croupy cough and a fever and need some attention.

Birthdays and Happy Babies

Today at lunch, Sam announced with much grandeur, "TODAY is Uncle Woyce's BIRTHDAY!!!" We quickly corrected him, explaining that just because we went looking for a birthday present for him doesn't mean his birthday is today.

Sam was on a roll.

"Elli is going to have a DORA THE EXPLORER birthday party! And I had a THOMAS THE TRAIN birthday."

I agreed, and then asked about Anna's birthday.

"Baby Nana could have a Baby Einstein birthday!"

What a great idea!

"And Mommy, you could have a NEWS birthday!"

He's certainly paying attention to what everyone likes to watch on TV, isn't he?

----

The doctor checked Anna out this afternoon, which she actually didn't mind. She talked to him a bit and played with his stethoscope. As he was leaving, she was jumping up and down on my lap and jingling my keys. He proclaimed her the "happiest double-ear-infection I've ever met." That Tylenol must have really worked!

This is her third ear infection in two months. He warned us both that if this continues, we'll start talking about seeing ENTs and getting ear tubes. This threat worked with Sam - he didn't have another infection. Hopefully it will work with Anna, but if not, no biggie. We've been through MUCH worse.

Survival Mode

When the kids are sick, I go into survival mode. I have to conserve energy for what's really important on days like that, because I have slept poorly, the kids have slept poorly, and the demands of caring for them are double. In order to get through the day, everything not directly related to surviving gets postponed indefinitely. Meals, diaper changes, certain laundry loads (bedding if it got thrown up on, for example), and lots of hugs, cuddling, and entertaining take priority. (And yes, sometimes I write about it on my blog. I want to remember just how crazy this time of life was later, when memories get tainted by rose-color.)

Today is a better day, so far.

I got all the dishes washed, Anna to bed early, and got myself to bed a little early.

God was good and the kids all slept through the night (or else I was so tired, they didn't wake me up!).

I actually made myself a real breakfast... and ate it at breakfast time!

Anna is still feverish, draining green snot, and more cranky. She has a doctor's appointment this afternoon because I suspect another ear infection.

So far no-one else has any symptoms. I keep plying them with immunity-boosting drops and I'm taking zinc.

I have a load of laundry in the washer.

The cat food is swept up.

I'm planning to actually cook dinner tonight. Even though Scott gave me advance warning that he'll be late. And hurray! Survivor starts tonight!

Things are looking better. Amazing what a good night's sleep can do!

Snapshot of a Sick Day

Anna has a cold. Elli may be coming down with one too. Here's a sketch of today.

1:10am
Elli wakes up coughing. I toss and turn, trying to sleep and waiting for her to go back to sleep. She coughs for an hour.
2:15am
I finally decide that she isn't going back to sleep without help. I get up, give her cough medicine, and tell her to go back to sleep. I also give her a little bit of water to drink. She's mad that I left. I toss and turn, trying to sleep and waiting for her to go back to sleep.
3:10am
I decide that Elli is going to need more help getting back to sleep. I suspect that she may be coming down with Anna's cold. I get up and give her more medicine, this time night-time cold stuff that should help her get sleepy. She's mad that I left again, but falls quiet within a few minutes. I fall asleep.
3:30am
Anna starts crying. I wake up, toss and turn, trying to sleep and waiting for her to go back to sleep.
3:45am
I'm really really tired by now and don't want to get out of bed a third time. I wake Scott up and ask him to please get up and give Anna some more medicine. He has told me to wake him up and ask for help on rough nights like this.
3:50am
Scott finally sits up and asks "I'm supposed to give Elli what?" I remember why I don't wake him up. I grumpily reply, "No! Leave Elli alone! Anna needs cold medicine and tylenol. 3/4 teaspoon of each."
4:00am
Scott is fumbling around in the kitchen, looking for the right medicine and syringe, I suppose. I toss and turn, trying to sleep and debating whether to get up and just do it myself since I'm not sleeping anyway. I hope that he remembers the right meds to give, the right amounts, and correctly identifies the meds in his fog.
4:15am
Everyone is in their beds. I turn off my alarm (which was set for 6am) and finally fall asleep for good.
6am
Scott gets up to get ready for work. I toss and turn, trying to sleep.
7am
Scott brings Sam into our room. I stagger out of bed to turn on Mr. Rogers' neighborhood, then stagger back to doze for another half hour.
7:30am
Anna starts crying. I get up, make her a bottle, myself a large coffee (I use TWO pods in the Home Cafe machine instead of my usual one), and Sam a juice. I bring Anna into bed and we all wake up slowly while watching the morning news.
8:00am
I move everyone out to the kitchen, turn on Clifford for Sam, and check email. I have a couple messages to send first thing. Elli is awake, so I get her dressed. I check out the meds that are out on the counter. Not sure what Scott gave Anna last night. He probably isn't sure either. I mentally note to just get up next time.
8:30am
I turn off Clifford, get Sam dressed and give him breakfast, start Elli's breathing treatment (I suspect that her coughing fit resulted from my forgetting to do the treatments every day), and feed Anna, dodging sneezes and coughs the whole time. I have some orange juice and thyroid supplements for breakfast.
9:00am
I feed Elli. This takes an hour, so I finally get Anna down and let her play with Sam. She lays down on the (dirty) floor under my chair for awhile. Sam comes by and rubs her back. They immediately break it up when I go for the digital camera, heading off to other fun. Sam suddenly appears without any pants or underwear. He has had his clothes on for less than an hour. I have just finished washing, drying, folding, and putting away all the laundry in the house. My frustration is visible - Sam asks what's wrong. I tell him I'm frustrated because he got his clothes wet when he knows how to go potty on time. Anna gets into the cat food, spreading pellets all over the floor. Her breath smells faintly like cat food. I don't think about it too hard, but block her path back there with a laundry basket full of dirty clothes. Oh, did I say I had done all the laundry in the house? I HAD as of last night. That had changed by this time. Amazing how fast a load of laundry appears in a house. Anyway, Anna flings half the clothes all over the floor and moves on to other things. I forget to clean up the cat food. The cat will eat it, eventually, right? I have to stop and spank Sam twice for disobeying when I give him directions about playing too rough or not sharing.
10:00am
Anna gets Motrin and goes down for a nap. I give Elli a long drink of her milk, holding her on my lap since she kept saying she wanted to cuddle with Daddy. I figure she wants to cuddle, so hopefully Mommy's lap will do. Sam starts coloring the outside of the Veggie Tales coloring book with a green marker. Then he colors his hand and his finger nails "just like Heather." Green smudges appear on his eyebrow and cheeks. We wash some of the marker off, but both he and I have green on our skin for the rest of the day.
11:00am
I make some phone calls - resume` consulting and searching for a file for a friend from church. And we're going to try digital phone - if we like it, we'll save $35 a month by bundling it with internet and cable. My laptop decides to cooperate, so I'm able to get that taken care of before getting Elli her lunch. Sam comes up at one point and asks me if I'm ok. I say yes, I'm fine - just working on the computer. He says that he's happy too. Not sure where that came from, but it was bright spot in the morning.
11:30am
I process some salad for Elli's lunch. I'm starving - orange juice doesn't go far for breakfast - so I microwave a leftover piece of garlic bread to snack on while she eats so I don't pass out. She decides she doesn't like it, instead coughing clumps of lettuce and dressing all over her Dynavox and wheelchair. Fortunately, it dries quickly and brushes off. I give her applesauce instead. Sam decided to go "BM" (bowel movement). Anna follows him into the bathroom and he shuts the door. I rescue Anna and return to lunch. Sam spends the next 40 minutes on the potty. Elli eats quickly and I actually manage to get her ready for school before the bus arrives. Sam starts running around with no socks, pants, or underwear. AGAIN. He says his second pair of pants are also wet. I choke back the angry words at yet ANOTHER outfit in the hamper. I tell him he better get dressed fast if he wants to run the bus's lift. He actually manages it all by himself and puts the pants back on. We are actually waiting outside for it for the first time in weeks. I even have a chance to write a long note to school about some issues we're working on.
12:20pm
I get Sam, Anna, and myself some lunch. I actually sit down to eat and work on a grocery list and menu plan. Not very creative today. Perhaps it's the lack of sleep? As I'm putting stuff away, I suddenly notice that Sam is now coloring the trash can with the same green marker. Then I begin to see green everywhere. He has colored a line on the floor from the trash can to the family room, colored a toy, and colored prolifically on the exer-saucer. I catch myself getting angry and instead show him how to clean it up himself. Thankfully, the marker is water-soluble. He does a good job. Then while I'm not looking, he climbs into the exer-saucer. I'm reallly ticked - I've told him three times not to do that anymore because he gets stuck. I yank him out and send him to my room for a spanking. I follow a few seconds later, telling myself to calm down and not punish in anger. I listen to myself, calm down, and explain what he's being disciplined for.
1:20pm
We head out to the store, even though it's later than I had hoped and Anna's nose is dripping more colorful snot. She seems to enjoy getting out of the house. The trip takes forever because we pick out a new toothbrush for Sam (Elmo) and new toothpaste (with Pooh and Tigger on it) and start looking for birthday gifts for an uncle. As we head towards checkout, Sam begins to inform me that he isn't tired. A sure sign that he is.
2:30pm
We head to the post office. I choose this particular one because it has a drive-thru window for stamps. I need a bunch of those 2-cent stamps in order to mail bills. The drive-thru is "temporarily closed." Drat. Of course, Anna has fallen asleep. I carefully dig her out of her carseat, but by the time I reach the lobby, she is awake. And dripping more green goop. No tissues in sight. Not even in the car. And I didn't bring the diaper bag. I improvise with her jacket, making mental notes to wash it when we get home.
3:00pm
We arrive home, Sam is now in tears protesting that he isn't tired (translated, that means he's on the edge of a meltdown he's so tired). Anna, on the other hand, is wide awake. I give Sam a little drink, make him remove his precious Spiderman light-up boots, and put him to bed. He's asleep in minutes. I give Anna a bottle, which she downs in 2 seconds while I put away stuff that needs to be chilled. I give her a second bottle, which she downs in 1 second. She is NOT sleepy. I rock her for 2 minutes, find myself extremely sleepy far too close to the arrival of Elli's school bus, and decide to lay Anna down in her bed before I fall asleep and drop her and miss the bus. I pray that she doesn't wake Sam up with her screaming. Surprisingly, she just plays in there until finally falling asleep half an hour later.
3:30pm
Elli's bus is due any second. I consider putting away more groceries, but I'm really tired. I instead check email. The bus arrives. I get Elli out, inspect all the great stuff she brought home from the 100 Days of School party and birthday celebration at school today, hear about her day, give her a snack (hostess cake from the birthday treat bag), and watch a little TV. My groceries are still not put away.
4:30pm
Elli asks to watch Veggie Tales' "Lord of the Beans." I put it on, then start writing this entry. My groceries are still out. So is the cat food. Sam emerges from his nap and watches the video too.
5:15pm
Scott calls to say he's on his way home and doesn't need dinner. For some reason, the call is a real downer. I immediately lose all motivation to make anything for dinner. Hot dogs, anyone? I think Anna is awake - hard to tell since she coughed all through her nap. Poor girl. My groceries are still out. I'm fading fast. I think I'll volunteer to stay home from church tonight with Anna - I wouldn't be able to stay awake anyway. My mood begins a rapid spiral down.
5:30pm
I finally publish this entry, crack up at Brooke's latest entry, and tackle the groceries while planning when to go raid her yarn stash (I'm not so sleepy that the idea doesn't thrill my soul, especially since Heather and Brenda are invited too!). Did I mention all the dishes that need to be washed too? No? Well. I have a lot of dishes to wash too. And the cat food to clean up. And dinner to make. And clean up. Oh...just found some mistakes in this. Gotta go back and fix them later. Hopefully no-one reads it yet!
6:40pm
Scott finally makes it home, just in time to take Sam and Elli to church. By this time, I'm really grumpy because it is so late and we don't have any time to sit and talk. I say things I shouldn't, especially in front of the kids. Sam is unfazed and keeps telling Daddy about his new toothbrush and toothpaste and asks why Anna isn't going to church.
6:45pm
They leave and I finish giving Anna dinner, sit and play with her for a bit, give her a bath, tanked her up with medicine and a warm bottle, and try to rock her to sleep. That never works for me - never has and doesn't tonight either. She was still perky at 8, when I finally just laid her down. She didn't protest at all. I sit and watch American Idol for awhile and try to decide if I'm going to tackle the dishes or just go to bed. I decide to do at least a few dishes and stay up til everyone gets back home, even though I just want to hibernate for the rest of the month. I have to apologize for my words and get everything right before we all go to bed.

Isn't it amazing what one lousy night of sleep can do for a person's mood and outlook on life? Especially when that person looks at the calendar, reflects back on past winters, and realizes that this could be the beginning of weeks of the same. Last year the misery started the week of Valentine's Day and didn't end until late March. I am praying that since I'm NOT pregnant this time, I won't get nearly so sick. I guess time will tell. Meanwhile, I have dishes to do.