It was one of those surreal, "Can this really be happening?" experiences. I was sitting at a meal with several people after attending religious services with them. First one person and then another began regaling the group with hilarious stories of behind-the-scenes antics and goings-on at those very services we had just attended. They mocked and criticized the people involved, and even seemed to compete with one another for the best put-down or most ridiculous story.
My husband and I ignored it for awhile, not saying anything. But it continued unabated. Then we tried to change the subject. We tried to keep our comments positive. Bu we were outnumbered and unheard.
The mealtime conversation was all the more appalling in light of the lesson Y had taught that very day. The class had been going through the book of Ephesians. We spent quite a bit of time that day discussing the meaning and application of the following passage:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
- Ephesians 4:29-32
Y pointed out that unwholesome talk is not simply profanity. That is relatively easy for us to weed out of our speech (especially for those who never developed a habit of using profanities).
Unwholesome talk is defined by its opposite in the next phrase: it is not "helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." So any talk that tears people down or is not beneficial to the hearer is unwholesome.
Now that's much more difficult to do. Tearing people down is tantamount to a sporting event in our culture. And among the group we ate with that day, it was such a habit that they didn't even think about it or see what they were doing, even after the lesson given that morning.
It's this hypocritical, nodding-Amen-in-the-pew-then-doing-whatever-the-rest-of-the-week behavior that turned my stomach when I was in college and almost drove me to abandon Christianity (or at least the church and it's so-called "Christians"). From my vantage point, it seemed like these people didn't examine their words or actions, didn't see their inconsistency, and didn't make any attempt to change.
I confess some hypocracy on my own part here. I certainly am guilty of knowing better but still doing the wrong thing. I suppose one could argue that writing this is the same as pointing at someone else's splinter while ignoring the plank embedded firmly in myself.
The reason I write today is to find a course of action for this situation. I know I'll be faced with similar situations again. How do I handle this correctly?
I believe these people this day were completely unaware of the unwholesome nature of their conversation. It's a pattern in their lives that they don't give a second thought. Only the Holy Spirit can convict a person of their sins and enable them to change. So I should pray for Him to do this work in their hearts.
I also am increasingly convinced that my husband and I should pray and consider carefully how to lovingly confront them. We will most certainly share meals with them again. If we ahead what to say, it would allow us to choose our words and tone cautiously. If I really love someone, I must bring these things to their attention, and all the more if they seem unaware of it themselves. But it must be done lovingly and with the aim of bringing about repentance and change, not to humiliate them and uplift ourselves as some sort of shining example.
Finally, I need to pray for the Holy Spirit to show me my own personal hypocracies and help me overcome them. It's a daily battle in which I'm so prone to failure.
