Niggling Concern

All week I've been watching my oldest cough and sneeze up mucus for 1-2 hours each morning, fall asleep in the middle of activities like meals and swimming, and run out of energy and get cranky faster and faster each day. She isn't eating much and yesterday she seemed like she just didn't have the energy to drink much either, so for the first time in months, I used her feeding tube. Yet, she doesn't have a cold or a fever.

I've just observed this all week, but as it has continued and new things showed up, worry has started niggling at me. Not paralyzing, heart-stopping panic or anything. Just a little uneasy or unsettled feeling way back in the background of life. I did make her an appointment with a pulmonologist, but that isn't for another couple weeks.

We had a checkup with a different specialist on Tuesday which required some blood work. I wasn't sure what all they checked, but it was all normal stuff for that office. However, last night while I was at work, they called home. This is unusual. If there's one thing I've learned about medicine, it is that no news is good news. If someone actually calls you, that means something got someone's attention. And that is not a good sign.

My husband had them send the results to her cardiologist, and I'm hoping to get our pediatrician on this today too. I hope it's nothing, and most likely it is. But no matter how well a child does for no matter how long, if they've ever been really really sick and had a significant diagnosis, even if they completely recover, you never lose the shadow of worry that something really serious might happen again. You know that it really can happen to you (or someone you love).

Meanwhile, I'm packing and prepping for a day at the zoo. My sister and my daughter's aide are coming with us and the kids are very excited. I suppose if someone from the hospital calls and wants something from us, we'll be nice and close to the hospital -- it's about 2 blocks from the zoo. (Of course, Murphy's Law says if they want something from us, we won't hear from them until we get all the way back home.)

Edited at 4pm to add: The cardiologist called this afternoon (just as we were leaving the zoo), to say that everything was within our daughter's normal range (which isn't a typical child's normal range, which is why the other department was concerned). We might consider an iron supplement since she is slightly anemic, but nothing major is wrong.

Imagine if...

I went to a ladies' game night Monday and we played a game called "Imaginiff." You read a sentence with one of the player's names in it and then read 6 possible answers. Then everyone votes which answer they think fits. The majority wins and all those who agreed get to advance on the game board.

At one point, the question was "Imagine if Joy was a cliche. Which one would she be?" I can only remember five of the answers, but they included "Born with a silver spoon in her mouth." "Look what the cat dragged in!" "At one with nature." "Burning the candle at both ends." "A sight for sore eyes."

It was unanimous. But I'm not going to tell you which one it was. I want to know if everyone reading agrees with the people I played the game with.

Which one would you vote for? I'll reveal the results this weekend.

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This has been a fun week, but it has been really busy and I'm still adjusting to the new summer routine. I finally made some decisions about what we are and are not doing, which is a relief. Having Elli home in the afternoon makes working or blogging or getting stuff done around the house less certain. I'm getting settled in... a little. Next week she'll start her summer camp two mornings a week and things will change again.

We've gone to the pool a couple times, which has gone really well. We're going to attempt the zoo tomorrow unless it's really hot -- then I'll opt for the pool again. I'm amazed at how much more food the kids are eating and how much longer they are sleeping now that we're outside playing! I fear to think about our grocery bill in ten years when Sam is a teenager. My mom said that even though she had daughters, we still ate phenomenal amounts of food in the summer when we were swimming every day.

We decided to join a local community center so we can access their indoor AND outdoor pools and do a more family-friendly swim lesson schedule. This means I now have access to a gym again, so I've gone twice this week. Scott goes to his gym at 5:30 in the morning, then I go around 6:30 while he gets ready for work. We've both learned that if we don't do it first thing in the morning, we don't do it. I'm really glad to be back and I'm hoping that surge of energy you're supposed to get when you exercise regularly kicks in soon!

Now I have to figure out how to get my Bible reading in too -- looks like I'll have to get up at 6am or earlier so I can read before I go to the gym. Once I get home, I have to hit the ground running, especially if we have to get out the door in the morning. Yesterday I almost left the house with kids still in the pajamas because the schedule was so tight!

Work is going well. I've pulled together quite the June meeting, and have been really lucky to get some high-up people to come. We're trying to get a training video for doctors embedded into their training, whether it's new resident training for beginning docs or ongoing development for established docs. The guy in charge of our residency program is coming, and we're trying to get the guy in charge of ongoing development there as well. I'll really feel like we've accomplished something and are tangibly helping families if this works out!

So the summer has started out well and looks like it will be full and fun.

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I figure someone will ask, so I may as well confess now. I didn't get both baby booties done in time for the shower. I got one done though, and I'm almost done with the second, which I will mail tomorrow. I have another baby shower to attend on Saturday. I think I'll work on the booties for this baby for his delivery and spare myself the stress.

Ahhh.... summer

Sometimes I actually feel creative. Yesterday Elli and I put together these teacher gifts for her teachers, aide, and therapists at school. (Click the photo to view it larger. This applies to all photos on my blog.) She picked out the flowers, stamped the cards, helped me pot the flowers, and signed by stamping her name inside (the name stamp was a genius idea from a special needs preschool teacher).

I took the photo the day before and then ordered wallets from Costco to tape inside. I think they turned out really well.

At least until Anna discovered one accidentally left within reach. She decided that the flower needed some air. I have since planted that one in my garden and placed a new in the pot. I didn't want to give a doomed flower as a gift!

I can hardly believe today is her last day of kindergarten. The girl who comes home this afternoon will be a First Grader. She is so excited she can hardly contain herself. I am excited for her but am beginning to realize how serious people are when they say the time just flies. A child of mine is going into first grade??? Am I old enough for that?

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I had a red-letter moment yesterday. Sam asked if he could play outside.

I have been waiting for that moment for six years! I cannot express how ecstatic I am that the kids actually want to play outside, and that he and Anna actually can entertain themselves out there. Elli loves the outdoors too, though she needs someone else to help her. Still, she asks to swing in her special swing just about every day. It's a beautiful thing to break away from the technology and enjoy God's creation.

Now if I can just clean up the sandbox. Apparently, we forgot to put the lid on it a few times. The odor of cat urine is rather strong. I gave the youngest two baths on the deck yesterday afternoon to wash the sand, urine, and sweat off before they came in the house. Then I filled the sandbox with soapy water. I was hoping that when it evaporates, the smell and whatever else may be in it would be neutralized.

What a pipe dream. I poured out the excess water after letting it soak overnight. The urine smell is still pretty bad. Looks like I'll have to throw it all out and start over. I hate to dump it in the trash -- it's so heavy that it'll be a bear to drag out to the street!

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Served to Anna for lunch: half of a peanut butter and honey sandwich, one triangle of watermelon, 8 slices of cheese, a cup of water, and a cup of milk.

Actually consumed: 8 slices of cheese, a cup of water, and a cup of milk.

Sometimes I really wonder why I bother to prepare food.

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I cast on for a pair of navy blue baby booties last night. I have three days to finish them. I remain optimistic.