A year ago today I was preparing to have a baby. Literally.
I had an appointment that morning and discovered I was already 5 centimeters dilated, half way to the pushing stage. While I was delighted to hear my midwife say, "If you're planning on an epidural, you could go ahead to the hospital now," I had a ton of things still to finish before I could have this baby!
So off I went to run errands, all the while counting contractions.
Then I raced home and started moving furniture, a sure-fire way to move things along. I hadn't yet set up the cradle because we had all been so sick, but me especially.
I called my parents to come, so they started the three-hour drive after Dad got off work. They arrived at about 10pm, just minutes after I looked at Scott and said, "Well, these contractions have been going steadily for the last hour and I've been sitting the whole time! I think it's time."
So off we went for a long long night of labor. Anna was finally born the next morning. There's nothing like a night of no sleep to start your life with a new baby!
Needless to say, I'm thrilled that it's now a year later. I've lost all the baby weight. Anna is almost walking (she could if she would try it - she's just too scared to let go). She is sleeping through the night, so when everyone is healthy, so am I. I finally feel like I can manage this household of five, although I have much less room for error (or laziness) before I get woefully behind.
It was a long, busy, tiring year. And yet, I find myself wondering where the time went. Anna hit many milestones, and so did I.
I'm officially out of my twenties. Well, as of 2 months ago. It feels strangely... normal.
I guess when I think about it, I wouldn't go back to the person I was when I entered my twenties, and I certainly wouldn't choose to repeat all the things that went into making the person I am now. I have a L O N G way to go, but it is encouraging to look back at the impetuous, vain, self-reliant, arrogant person I was as a 20-year-old and see a little progress.
It was a really full decade (what decade of life isn't, though?).
I graduated from college with high honors, a job in hand, and only $2000 in debt, which I paid off in the first 6 months after graduation.
I moved out of my parents' house for good. A few months later, I got married. Establishing our own home and family has been a lot of fun, though we've certainly had our frustrations and setbacks. That's all part of living in a sin-cursed world. God blessed me with an awesome, God-fearing, responsible, hard-working, fun-loving husband who brings out the best in me even when that means exposing sin in my heart and helping me address it. He helps around the house, does what he can to give me rest when I need it, is involved with the kids, and has taken a lot of responsibility in our church. I'm definitely the luckiest one in this marriage!
We welcomed three children and a cat into our family and sent a dog to a family more suited to his personality. This (children that is) has probably been the single most change-inducing development in my life. When it was just Scott, me, and the dog, I could still get away with a lot of self-serving self-centeredness.
Then we had a baby.
This is normally an earth-shaking event in person's life. We certainly were aware that this was a big deal. We knew we could not really know what we were getting into until the baby arrived. But we didn't find out until our little girl was 3 days old that she had some deathly-serious health conditions.
I basically moved into her room at Children's Hospital for 4 weeks after she improved enough to "step down" out of the Intensive Care Unit. I pumped breast milk for 6 months. I learned how to insert a feeding tube into her nose and get it down into her stomach, check for placement, and feed her through it. We had an oxygen tank and I learned how to use it. I got up every 3 hours, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to feed her, administer her medications, pump more milk, and change her diapers. She napped for 30 minutes, 3 times a day. That gave me enough time to shower. Sometimes I would snatch a quick, 20-minute nap. I drove her 30 minutes to a 1-hour occupational therapy appointment every week, plus frequent 45-minute drives to the hospital for checkups, and weekly blood tests. I was so tired that I would slap my face to stay awake at the wheel, and often dozed off during those appointments.
Our marriage definitely felt the strain as we were both exhausted and dealing with our own reactions to the reality of life with a medically-fragile child. We never considered quitting, well, I didn't anyway, because I knew there was no way I could do it alone. I needed Scott and we needed to work things out. Which we did. We talked a lot and prayed a lot about what we wanted versus what God had given to us. Being content with the life we have now is an ongoing effort, but with His help, we're doing really well.
Eventually we decided to try having another child. Having Sam brought a whole new dimension into our family - that of a typically-developing child. Even though he's the second child, he's done most things first. We've had to learn to balance the needs of two children and the work of the home has definitely increased. He's shown us a lot about Elli too, because we know that in many ways, she is a typical child trapped in a handicapped body.
Now that we have Anna, we have new challenges to face as parents. We have two typical children who fight over toys and compete for our attention. And we've learned more about how Elli feels. All three children are learning about taking turns, sharing, waiting patiently, and much more. And we are learning how to teach them to approach all those new issues in a "loving one another" kind of way. It isn't about who had the toy first. It's about loving your brother more than yourself!
And sadly, I have to relearn these lessons myself. Do everything without complaining or arguing? Hmm. I don't do that one well yet. Consider other people's needs as more important than my own? Wow. I don't do that one well yet either. And on it goes.
So while in a way, it was weird to turn thirty (and I'm still shocked when I realize that I really am that "old"), it's not horrible or depressing. I'm looking forward to the next ten years and seeing where we all are then. I pray that no matter what happens in the next decade, that we give all the glory to God and reflect His presence in our lives well to others.
