Elli is very sensitive to emotions, especially intense ones. I think this is why she cries when dogs bark - they typically bark a warning or alert, and that intensity is too much for her. The same thing occurs when someone cries or screams or throws a tantrum. I've been fortunate that Sam doesn't throw many fits at all, and they are over fast. Elli does cry when he gets hurt and gets upset, and she also gets upset sometimes when he gets in trouble and sometimes when Anna cries, though she's doing better.
I have a niece who is just 3 months older than Sam. She and Sam love to play together and get along about as well as 3-year-olds can be expected to. They play and they fight, they play, and they fight. We dive in, settle things, calm everyone down, lather, rinse, repeat.
Elli has been around one too many times when her cousin had a meltdown, however. For almost a year now, whenever she sees her cousin, she gets really upset, almost scared. It's like she knows that at some point she is guaranteed to witness a tantrum. It will be loud, it will be long, and it will be scary. So we've had to basically schedule visits with that side of the family around my cousins visits to her other side of the family.
We've had a couple encounters that were mostly OK. Elli was really tense at first, but her cousin really tried hard to be quiet and not upset her. This seems like an awful lot to put on a 3-year-old though. I guess she does need to learn not to throw tantrums, but I hate that she might feel she is the sole cause of Elli's meltdowns (Elli is responsible for her responses - she is not a victim here).
I'm really hoping that as Elli gets exposed to Sam and Anna's emotions, she'll get more comfortable with the process of emotion. When they get disciplined, it's a process of getting spanked, crying, understanding why, getting hugged and forgiven, and moving on). Tears of pain or anger also pass. If she can just hold it together, the storm will blow over and everyone will be fine soon.
The whole thing has been really difficult for us adults. I hate that I don't get to spend time with my niece because I'm always calming Elli down. I hate that my in-laws have to do such gymnastics with their schedules to accommodate Elli. And I don't know how to help Elli learn that she can't control everyone and everything around her. She has to learn to go with the flow better and not let things get her so upset. I don't want her to grow up thinking that everyone is going to cater to her every whim. So far, we haven't picked up on any resentment over the whole thing, but I also don't have a very close relationship with my sister-in-law, so it's hard to tell what she's thinking about the whole thing.
We are considering going to visit my in-laws this weekend. My niece will be there. I asked Elli today if she'd rather stay home if this cousin will be around, or if she doesn't care as long as she can visit her mamaw and papaw. Even with a photo on her device, she still said she wanted to visit. We are going to see what my sister-in-law's work schedule is first and see just how much time she'll be around to help referee things. If she'll be off some this weekend, we might try it.
Meanwhile I have a ton of things on my to-do list for today, like birthday shopping for Scott, taking the dry-cleaning, laundry, sorting toys, and calling about vacation spots this summer.
