I have decided that the best kept secret of motherhood is strategy -- always be prepared for anything. It really is a mentally-challenging job because you have to anticipate all the things that are likely to go wrong and prepare for them. And get where you're going on time. I am sure this comes naturally to some people, but since it's impossible to anticipate everything, you learn most of this by experience and failure.
For example -- today I had to take Elli to an appointment with an occupational therapist. She is going to work with her to practice feeding herself, and I'm going to learn the best way to help her. I anticipated that I would not have a chance to talk, listen, and observe if I brought all three children along. So, I asked a friend to come over and watch the youngest two for me. She came half an hour early so I would have time to give her instructions and get ourselves loaded up and to the appointment on time.
I had no way to know about the nose bleed Elli would have at 5am. I had to clean her up and give her a bath and get her bedding in the washing machine before the blood permanently stained her brand new pajamas. I managed to recover by skipping my morning routine (I did get a shower before I discovered the nosebleed, but I had to squeeze bites of breakfast into my mouth in between feeding the girls). Then I didn't allow enough time to deal with the van - our van has a coolant leak and I had to refill both the radiator and the overflow tank before we left. I almost drove away without my phone, but I went back for it so I could call and inform the therapist that we would be late. We arrived 5 minutes late - not too bad considering. Elli met the therapist and got started right away, while I waited to register her. And waited. Then it took awhile because I also needed to get lab work done because of her nose bleed.
So despite my great planning, I only got to observe about 20 minutes of her 50 minute appointment. I suppose that's better than nothing, but it's probably about the same as having all of the kids with me. (I'm really not sure how I'm going to do this in the future. I think they have an observation room with video cameras, but I'm not sure they are aimed in the room Elli will be working in. This will be another mental and preparedness challenge for me to confront in two weeks.)
Now, some things DID go well. The car didn't need expensive repairs - refilling the coolant was the miracle cure. The lab techs got Elli's blood the first time they stuck her. I still had time to pick up Scott's clothes from the cleaners on the way home. The kids did well with my friend this morning. Sam and her little girl get along really well and don't get all hyper together.
So...
A good day as a mom is a day when you have a backup plan -- you're prepared.
A bad day is one when you don't have a backup plan or when you have the wrong backup plan - you'll regret it all day (Murphy's Law, Mom Version).
A VERY bad day is one when even your backup plan fails miserably and you need a backup plan for your backup plan. The domino effect is impossible to overcome, so your only hope to get home as fast as possible, get the kids in bed, and start over tomorrow.
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Elli got to try this really great spoon today at that appointment. It's hard to describe and the website I was given for it doesn't exist. So I can't show you a picture. But it always stays level, no matter which way her hand moves as she tries to get food into her mouth. Unfortunately, it's rather expensive. One spoon costs sixty dollars! Can you believe that? A SPOON. I have no idea why, but if you slap the label "special needs" on anything, you can automatically mark the price up about 4 times.
We're going to practice with it for a couple weeks and see how she does. At that point we'll decide if this is a good option for her and if we really want to spend $60 on it. I'd like to find it online and see if I can get it any cheaper. Sixty dollars. That's highway robbery.
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I decided to watch half an hour of the Today Show this morning, because PBS changed its morning program schedule. Mr. Rogers is still on at 7, but at 7:30 I don't like any of the choices. We have to wait until 8am to see Clifford: the Big Red Dog. So I flipped to the news for half an hour.
Elli was MAD. She was yelling at me and complaining as loud as possible so I couldn't hear anything. Until a story came on about dogs detecting cancer by smelling people's breath. (It's true! 90% of the time, they could identify the 1 sample out of 5 that had cancer.) I told her there were dogs on the TV and she stopped complaining. She watched very interestedly and by the time the story was done, she had forgotten that she mad at me!
I think that pretty much clinches it. Elli would like a dog.
We can get a dog that's specially trained to help her, but it takes a lot of work to raise the funds. We'll need somewhere between $8,000 and $12,000. An agency nearby called Paws 4 Ability trains the dogs and helps you with fundraising, but I am guessing it will take at least a year. Which isn't all bad - I'd rather not get a dog until we're in a bigger house, and odds are good that we won't be moving until next summer anyway.
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I've gotten a lot of questions about how I can possibly get so much done. I'll let you in on my dirty little secret (literally). I am not a good house-cleaner or house-neatener. I like to cook, so I make home-made dinners every night. I wash dishes and do laundry because I have to. If the clothes get put back into dressers, great. If they stay folded up in laundry baskets until worn, no big deal. I sweep under the kitchen table every day or so because I have to. I clean bathrooms when they look dirty - at that point, I have to. And I disinfect the counters and table and high chair because germs freak me out.
Everything else gets done when it screams loud enough that it needs to get done. I have never cleaned my baseboards, I don't believe in dusting, and I'm horrible at filing papers. As I sit here typing, I have a pile of papers and folders about 12 inches tall that needs to be put away. It's even on my to-do list for today. Am I doing it? No. I need to start my exercise video really soon or I won't be done by the time Elli gets home. I am really good at the "stash and dash" method of cleaning: when we're having company over, I go through the house and hide all my piles of stuff, sweep the floors, and make sure the bathrooms are clean.
So there you have it. I'm not WonderMom. I have dust bunny skeletons in my closet.
