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IMPORTANT NOTE: I redesigned and relaunched Joy In This Journey at www.joyinthisjourney.com after our daughter Elli died. You will find posts from October 2008 to the present there. Please come over and read the new journey there.

Sep 21, 2006

Something is wrong with me

I am exhausted, far more irritable than normal, and am losing my cool over little things. I suppose if I think I might be crazy that shows some degree of sanity and non-craziness. I mean, when I go ballistic over bowel movement on someone’s hands who is still unable to really wipe themselves and scrub their hands within an inch of their lives and frantically wipe down the entire bathroom and count this one of the worst moments of that day, I really question my sanity.

We have no home phone, no internet, and no television, and it’s been this way since Saturday morning when we unhooked everything at the old house. So I’ve been going to bed earlier than usual without my favorite evening shows to keep me up. I’m not letting myself think about all the premiers I’ve missed this week. Life goes on and I am sure I can see the episodes during reruns.

I’m completely worn out all except about 4 hours each day, despite the early bedtimes. When I wake up, I usually feel decent for about half an hour. Then I descend rapidly into sleep-deprived witch-woman. Breakfast and getting the day going has been horrible every day this week, and it’s totally because I can’t stand the screaming and bickering and general neediness of the kids at that hour of the day. (For all you baby-hounds out there, I know for a fact that I’m not pregnant. So banish that thought from your heads.)

I don’t feel much better after the kid or kids get to school, but I’ve been at my most functional from about 10-noon. Once I get lunch and everyone settles down for naps in the afternoon, I’ve crashed myself. For all of 10 minutes. I haven’t gotten a real nap any of these days.

Today has been the first improvement all week, (However, it was also the scene of the aforementioned poop meltdown.) I did get a crockpot full of chili going in the morning, ran some errands (had to return some things), and picked up some really nice coffee at the store. Once I got the kids in bed and the rest of the groceries put away, I ground the beans, perked a mug-full of “Maisonnette blend,” and sat on the recliner by the open window with the October Living magazine for 45 minutes.

Then I plowed through about 10 boxes and got almost all of our books put away. We can actually enter the dining room. And I finally located the digital cameras.

See? I really got a lot done!

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