Step 2: Turn on the mucus river from your nose and mouth for added pathetic effect.
Step 3: Crawl to the couch and lean on the couch, sobbing.
Step 4: Slowly slide down the couch with each sob and gasp until you are prostrate on the floor. (See Figure 1)
Figure 1
Step 5: Create as huge a puddle as possible with the tears and snot streaming from your face while getting as flat as possible. Pretend to ignore the chuckling your audience is failing to restrain.
Step 6: While still sobbing and streaming, peak at your audience to gauge your effectiveness. (See Figure 2)
Figure 2
Step 7: Pretend to be inconsollable as you calculate any necessary adjustments to your performance.
Step 8: Sit up and display the red puffy eyes, snotty nose, and tear-filled face you've worked so hard to create. This should clinch your triumph, but try to conceal your smile as you crawl into the waiting arms of the hopefully-now-penitent and duly-sympathetic audience. (See Figure 3)
Figure 3
